hot!

wow! naka-17 downloads yung mga songs natin last sunday alone! An Empty You is the most played (34 plays) and most downloaded (18 downloads).

spread the word some more!
http://www.soundclick.com/candyaudioline

got sick again. probably stress related. puyat ako halos whole week last week, especially on christmas eve since i had to take charmaine to the airport as early as 5am. i already slept at 10, so i pretty much slept the whole day til 5, ate a little, then slept again.

my turn

hmmm... what else can i say about tonight? ayn pretty much said most of it. these days, im not so talkative, am i? i'm just tired and have been catching up on sleep during free time. when work rolls in, i'll be talking off my mouth again (or, rather, typing off my fingers...)

one funny thing that we weren't able to catch on cam kanina: ayn let tristia stand behind allan where he was sitting. she started playing with his head, slapping it with her open hand and then her fists. allan thought it was ayn doing it because it was so strong. then she started kissing his head... then she licked it haha! we laughed and laughed because she obviously tasted something funny, what with the look on her face and the smacking of lips. then she started biting his scalp, which, according to Ninong, really hurt, so we had to take her away. that was a kodak moment.

we'll be going soon. merry christmas!

p.s. ralph is a no-show!!! what the hell happened to you, man. we have our theories...

And Yet You Start to Recoil

"So messed up I want you here
In my room I want you here
Now we're gonna be Face-to-face
And I'll lay right down In my favorite place
And now I wanna be your dog..."

... goes the lyrics of one Iggy Pop song that I used to like a couple of years ago. It was also a song that was featured (and covered by some obviously brit band) in the movie that we were watching earlier this evening-- "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels." The movie bloody rocked our brains out, mate! (*trying to imitate the accent of those pseudo-criminals in the movie*).

You're right, Allan, Selena and Charles are still here at my place... We followed that movie with a dose of "Super Friends" (Justice League of America) and some live videos of Stone Roses.. As I'm typing this now, I can hear videos of The Smiths playing down stairs. Allan just got himself a DVD copy of that.

Gotta rush back down stairs! Need to fill myself up with some more gin!

"...Now I'm ready to close my eyes
And now I'm ready to close my mind
And now I'm ready to feel your hand
And lose my heart on the burning sands
And now I wanna be your dog"

errata

di ako kasama sa kebab. i went ahead, di ba?

last night was also flattering, at least on my part. after our set, most of the bands kept asking the effects i used on... presumably "an empty you". ian (of cheese) mumbled something about my "amazing" (his words, not mine) lead on a certain song and when he couldn't figure what exactly he wanted to convey, he just said "basta, alam ni jomal title nun". :) acel was also very eager to learn what specific effect i used. i explained that i just stumbled upon it on my effects box, but charles said he used phaser when he sessioned for candy last year.

Da Comeback!

Last night was a stupendous comeback, if i do say so myself hehehe...

Never mind that little beat flub in the middle of "An Empty You". The rest of it rocked, i assure you.

Friday night, Allan and I passed by the Cheese Millennia gig because he had to talk business with Roel. Just as we are about to say goodbye, Roel hugs me and says, "Bandmate ko 'to eh..."

"Huh? Allan, narinig mo ba yung sinabi niya??? BANDMATE daw niya ako?" Allan laughs. Roel hugs him, too, and says, "Bandmate ko din 'to eh!"

"What??? Am I hearing things? He called us bandmates!" I laugh in disbelief.

"Wala ka nang karapatang sabihin yun, gagu," teases Allan.

"Kayo naman... hindi naman eh..." Roel coos.

And that was that. Practice was set for Sunday night.

Practice was great, which kind of worried us for the next night because that usually spells a bad performance. I got to play more guitar... they were planning to let me play for the Backbeat Christmas Party. It was the 5 of us again, cheesy as it sounds, reunited. After practice, we did our Pares tradition. We were all excited about the following gig because it would be our first in a month.

Popular Days were first up and they were amazing, as usual. Ayn really likes their new song because of the New Order undertones. It was our turn and we realized I couldn't play after all because their weren't enough amps to go around. Boo. But we delivered a great set. Some Backbeat people who had only heard us play last night complimented Allan. It was great.

Other performers were Stonefree, Moonstar 88, Kamikazee and Parokya ni Edgar (sans Gab who is on his honeymoon with his new wife-- congratulations, Gab!). Sorry to everyone who expected Cheese to play because of my announcements. We all thought they would be there, but Robert turned out to have a Skychurch gig. Anyway, for those fans who came, sulit pa rin naman because you got to see all those other great bands. In fact, after Parokya, Buwi jammed with Popo and Robert Javier... and also Ian of Cheese joined for a song. It was pretty cool... but we were kind of tired and hungry (we couldn't order the whole night because there was nowhere to sit-- full house!). Finally, at around 3 am, we headed on to Kebab: Allan, Ralph, Ayn, Gilbert and I. No ox-brain. No shawarma. But the stuff we ordered was still very comforting. Mmmm.

Tonight, we have an early gig at Eastwood, Libis... around 7:30 pm... Moonstar 88 will be playing, too. Be there!

To end this on a funny note, Charles, Allan, Kaye and I were talking on the phone earlier this afternoon. Charles said he talked to Roel:

"Balik Candy na tayo, ah..."

"Pare... I love musikh eh."

P*tang*nang banda 'to, oh...

Noe-bahdeeh Cares for Meeh

Tonight, it's the Backbeat Christmas Party! Candyaudioline will be playing after a month of sitting on our asses! Finally!!!

Mayric's, 10 pm
December 22, 2003

Parokya ni Edgar
Cheese
Moonstar 88
Kamikazee
Popular Days
Candyaudioline
Sonnet LVIII (but I'm not sure kung tuloy sila)

i think the entrance is P100, but I'm also not sure about that.

Yehey!!!

Bukas, post ako tungkol sa funny events last night sa practice!

Hooray for extra songs on soundclick.com!

YES!

four new songs uploaded into soundclick.com - namely, Waste My Time, Pretend We're Smart, Felt So Fine and Better View.

Kitakits tonayyyyyyyyt!

hoy, ayn, hindi kita ipagpapalit as my gurlfriend noh. bakit, nahahalikan ko ba si lara sa lips, katulad ng nagagawa ko sa yo? hindeeeeehhhh... ikaw pa rin ang orig na gurl ko.

naks.

practice tayo!!!! Nagyayaya si Ralph... at di pala sya uwi this christmas so ikarir na natin to!!!! pwede na natin i-practice si Erap.

yehoo.

"Can I.. suppose it stains...?"

...did I get that right?

Hey everyone! I haven't been posting here for the longest time. I guess maybe it's because there's nothing much to post anyway.

Just listened to the tracks online. Couldn't believe how I missed playing those songs (uy, nagpaparinig) most especially, "An Empty You." It was fun to see all of you yesterday night at Klub 102. Lara's party was a blast! Too bad I wasn't able to join you guys with the dancing and all. Nagtatampo na nga ako kasi I noticed na mas close na si Selena at si Lara. Feeling ko para akong naagawan ng gurlfriend. He he. Seriously, I had to leave right away to do some errands (sinungaling!).

Since for sure we can't practice or play on Xmas break, I guess I'll just see you guys on 2004! By then, I hope, we've settled for a better drummer. Ang hirap mamili ano?

Anyway, gotta get a goin! Tristia's about to climb the stairs!

Thanks nga pala Selena and Allan for everything. We'll pay you back the next time we see each other. We really appreciate your help. *wink wink*

Hasta la bye bye!!!!!

i hope so too. i'm not going home for the holidays, so i'll be here on christmas and new year's eve. :)

Lara's Birthday

These people were present last night at Lara's birthday party at Klub 102: Allan, Me, John Paul, Popo, Kay, Apple, Luie, Charles, Ayn, Lara's sister, Lara's other companion (sorry, girls, failed to catch your names!) and Lara herself. It was a night of booze, liempo, hotdog, squidballs, good music and funny dancing. Charles danced. I danced. Luie danced. Lara danced. Kay slam-danced with Popo (hehehe). Lara drove us home, even if she was tipsy-- that scared me a bit, but she got us home safely. She really liked her birthday celebration. It was her first in her life (having been born into a family that doesn't celebrate birthdays).

Gave Allan burned candyaudioline cds to give to Erap and this other guy who's offering to play drums for us. We even gave Popo one because he said he was willing to session, but in his drunken state, he had left it on the table at Klub 102. We will have a drummer soon. yehey.

Ralph, sorry to hear about charmaine! Hope she gets well soon. Are you leaving for the province this vacation? Will we be able to play before the month ends?

will be posting birthday pics soon on the egroups. happy birthday, Lara!

i thought i did. anyway, my sincerest apologies. am planning to put some from the "alone again at last" batch when i have the time. i also have been offline for the past 3 days since i had to nurse charmaine back to health. she caught the flu from our laguna trip - which i had to say was a blast! SARAP MAGJETSKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

candyaudioline mp3s! (finally!)

Yay! for anyone who wants to download some of our new stuff (the unreleased four songs from our "An Empty You" EP), go to soundclick.com and look for us among the philippine bands. our music is available there! for FREE!

hay. sa wakas may maisasabi na kami sa mga humhihingi ng kopya ng kanta...

ralph, how come you never told us that you put our stuff there? soulseek ako ng soulseek dito eh... i listened to the lo-fi "An Empty You" and it was ok. I'm sure the mp3s themselves are good quality, too.

and you can always message us to get free burned copies, as usual.

i'll update soon about last night. nakakatawa. babye.

Buzz Night and Other Perks

Thank god you guys have started posting again!

Allan happened to mention to Erap of The Youth last Friday that we had just lost a drummer and were looking for a replacement/sessionist. He immediately volunteered himself. At first, we thought he wasn't serious but he insisted and even "begged" with his hands locked in praying fashion for us to consider him. He said it would be good practice for him with his own band, too. Allan asked Robert Javier if it was ok and he liked the idea. So I hope that pushes through. It would be great to have the band active again in spite of seemingly insurmountable odds. Ahem.

Buzz Night was excellent! It had a diverse lineup of emo, dreampop, shoegaze and so-far-unclassified bands, and everyone delivered! Nakakaasar nga kasi wala ang candyaudioline! But in the light of the new developments I have just stated, that problem will be addressed soon mwahaha. In any case, last Saturday was a success. We started on time and the evening's flow was smooth. Daydream Cycle started the night after almost a year of not playing at Buzz Night. They played some of their new stuff and some good covers. Sunset Drive was there; Softpillowkisses (almost seamless set, guys!); a newbie band called Tether (I liked their last song-- hope they play for Buzz Nights to come); Popular Days (grabe, need I say more??); TV Guide (thanks for coming at the last minute!); and Weedisneys. Balloon Derby and Spring Boutique were no-shows, but the night was still good. Marami pang tao, hehehe.

Yesterday, Allan, John Paul and I went to Lucena for a The Youth gig. We were all sleepy from the night before, especially John Paul, whose eyes were puffier than usual. Still, he did a great job roadieing for the band. Allan and I went to Ayn's after that to talk to her about her problem. She seems willing to give the matter more thought. Tristania woke up while we were there and did her Otso-Otso dance for us (only Tristia has the power to make Allan sing even one syllable of that song). ANG CUTE-CUTE NIYA TALAGA!!!!!

Tonight, Sir Charles and I will be at the UPIS fair because he's going to be a judge at their Battle of the Bands, along with Lara's brother.

Yehey! "The future's so bright--- I gotta wear shadesssss!"

Eighties perky shit.

How well do you know me?

Uy, take this test. Karamihan (like 97%) may kinalaman sa candyaudioline.

Click here: How well do I know Ayn?

Ehehe. Dapat nga yata ang tanong dito, "How well do you know Candyaudioline?"

no big deal

let's just wait and see na lang... kung may bagong pumasok na drummer ok! kung wala eh mag-antay nalang, kung trip nyang bumalik eh, walang problema...

Drummer!

Of course, I'd take him back if he wanted to come back. Allan would say, "Nandyan na siya eh," and also, it's because we'd like to stick it out with him even further, if possible. Kakaiba din kasi yung chemistry nating lima--- biruin mo, we're all so different, but we get to produce something like this.

Not that to get someone new who could produce the same thing would be impossible… kaya din naman kung ayaw na talaga ni Roel. We're just saying that things are fine the way they have been, and if it were possible to keep them that way, we would.

But, of course, life goes on, and for now we are still looking for a new drummer.

ditto

amen, sister selena.

as shocked as i was, i knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. that's why i wasn't that surprised when he chose to do that. being pessimistic won't help things, though. this band has suffered too numerous a line-up changes to slow down now. we're thinking of the next thing we should do - that is, find a new drummer. Especially now since we are close to recording.

here's a question, though. IF roel decides to come back, do we accept him? if you ask me, why not, di ba?

waah

... for lack of a better title.

it's too bad you won't be able to play this Buzz Night, Ralph... we were all hoping to play again. However, there's still a chance we can since Charles knows some of the songs already and we've prepared him for situations like this. He might session for us that night; that is, of course, if we find a drummer in time.

Yes, let's rehash that subject. I was surprised by reactions from the mailing list concerning Roel's departure. Not that I didn't think that anybody cared about Roel, but I didn't think anybody cared, in general. Sometimes, when I write in this blog and in the mailing list, I forget that there are other people in it besides just us. Anyway, as expected, a lot of people were disappointed about Roel's decision. Some of them questioned our seemingly nonchalant reactions as members of the band (my own "any takers?" comment, Ralph's "ako na ang magda-drums sa recording!", and Ayn's "Ro-bert! Ro-bert! Ro-bert!"). Let me clarify these statements.

Of course we're distressed at the loss of our drummer. Roel wasn't just our drummer, either, but he was our friend and part of our candy family (yes, there exists such a thing). Correction: he IS our friend. We may poke fun at him from time to time, but nobody in this band is exempt from that kind of treatment. In truth, his departure worries me a lot because this also means that we'll have to start over with someone new... which will also delay the production of our planned LP. Roel was a good drummer, in spite of all his quirks, and this will be hard to top.

BUT... candyaudioline is still alive. Sure, we mourn the loss of Roel. On my part, the reason why I joke about his going away is because it's my way of coping with it. I can't say the same for Ralph and Ayn, but maybe to a certain extent, they're reacting the same way. And who could forget the fact that we're all still clueless as to Roel's reasons for quitting?---- we're still in shock! So if we're cracking jokes about it, bear with us.

Also, we're aware of what needs to be done. If Roel is tired of playing with us, we can accept that. But we also need to find a replacement. So here it is:

WE NEED A NEW DRUMMER
If you like our music, think you can handle it (what Roel's been doing for us these past years), and aren't really in it for a career so much as to have lots of fun, this job is for you. Join our mailing list (see this blog's links) and send us a message. We'll get back to you.

That's all for now.

no buzznite for me

sorry folks... i'll be out of town this weekend for our company's team building. we're off to caliraya, laguna. :)

Message Board

Since I have no cellphone (damn that book launch) and I have no other way of contacting everyone, let’s talk business here:

Allan just left for Vigan and he’ll be gone touring with Moonstar 88 and Parokya ni Edgar until around midday Thursday. He says he’ll text you guys about this, but he’s hoping we could practice sometime this week with or without him with a new drummer (hopefully Nelson of Sonnet 58 because we’ve given him a cd beforehand and he wants to play, but if you can also talk to your friend, Ayn, that would be good, too). We’re hoping to be able to perform this Buzz Night. Just post here if you have any reactions. I check regularly anyway.

Also, Ayn’s bass is still with Kerwin because he can’t find pieces for it yet. His own bass is here at my house ready for pick up. He says you can use it first, Ayn, because he knows you have a gig this Tuesday and he might not be able to have yours ready by then. It’s good, they say, but you know… I wouldn’t know myself.

Hmmm… ano pa ba? Sana makatugtog tayo this Saturday! May bagong naka- line-up na banda dun. Ok naman din sila. Tsaka kita-kits tayo ulit :) Saya!

BUZZ NIGHT December 13, 2003
Saturday
10 pm @ Mayric’s, Espana

ayan na. final na.

last night at mayric's...

(roel hugs me and kisses my head)

me: hi, roel. (tinginan kami) ano, candy ka pa?

Roel: (3-second pause) hindi ko sure. mukhang hindi na. ayoko na eh.

me: (shrugs) ok.

so it's official. di bale. we'll find someone really soon.

sayang lang yung website hehehe ;)

Talaga? Yun pala yung sinasabi ni Allan sa text tungkol kay you-know-who. Akala ko sa work lang. Pati pala sa band.

Uhmmm... madali lang yan. Palitan natin ng pogi. Yung maputi. Tapos kalbo. Skinhead pare.

uhm, blessing in disguise? four is still greater than one, di ba? and one is the loneliest number. :D

Candy Audio Offline (?)

Hmmm. My big question is: what gives with sudden resignations?

Is it so easy to leave this band? In the past year alone we've had 3 quit threats (two of them and the latest one coming from one person). It's not as if kupal kaming kabanda. Nobody pressures anyone more than anyone else could take. We're so laid back, in fact. I don't get it. Why is it so easy to say, "I quit"?

This is from an outburst from last Saturday at Sta. Lucia. I don't know, but I was really disappointed when it happened. Kala ko pa naman yung pinagmamalaki natin sa candy yung samahan, tapos basta-basta na lang ganun? And then when I saw this person the next day, nothing, no reference to what happened, not even a hi. Well, I didn't feel like it anyway because I was pissed at the hastiness of the decision.

Personally, i don't consider it much of a loss kung tuloy yung pag-quit niya. The biggest reason why we stuck it out was because of friendship and samahan and perseverance... but performance-wise, there are other musicians out there who can do as well or even better. Kung paninindigan niya yung sinabi niya, we could respect that. Syempre, if that person takes it back, ok lang din kasi candyaudioline na rin naman siya. But it would be so sad if we discovered that the rest of candyaudioline could actually do without ********, wouldn't it?...

Nakakaasar lang kasi ang dali para sa mga tao ang iwanan ang banda na to...

Anong say niyo, candymates?

I'm just pissed. Bear with my dramatics.

Merry Birth the Horsie

wahahaha! i am krayzee. i am in pieces. i feel like spouting and mouthing cuss words on air. i am krayzee, man.

let's see if you can get wit it.

allan got us to hang out the most happening place mcdonald's wilson where the fries are the mostest but the ghosties are wandering and staring at your food and waiting for the vampire to eat them with her fangs and blood blodd bloody f*cking red lips like cinderella dundun dundun dundun. we were just chillin, man, sittin on the grey ledge like there was too many tomorrows in the atmosphere, feeding our brains with pulp and literary movements in time space warps. chillin, man. trust me. then big old birthday boy looking just like he did on his birth day, except 30 times bigger, bribed us with some fat and vacuum coco milk and chocolicious toxic syrup. he said, "let's ease on down the road to woodchuck east and hang with my (wo) man apple. let's see if she can get wit it." and ayn and i were like, "yeah, mun. we cool we tat." so we dis-ease on down through traffic to get wit apple, you know, cept she wasn't ready yet so we stomp on fake plastic poinsettias and put big fat frowns on salesladies' grey fuzzy faces. and ayn was like, "yeah, allan, we go back in time to get this funky little red number." and allan and i were like, "all right, dude."

so apple's ready and we get wit her. "ey, apple," we say and she says, "ey, dudes. where we feeling all hungry and moufalicious tonight? birthday boy gotta eat you know." and allan's like, "missy, we get wit lara first, you know, then ghooooeeeyyy and tintin tino, man." and we all like, "yeeeaaaahhhh. we cool we tat."

so we go get wet white whistle lara. and lara's like, "yeah" and we cool, we say "laralaralaralaralaralaralarayeah!" so we fly to tayuman in the magical mystical tour besta to get the baabaablacksheepalish tintin tino. and tintin's like, "Heyow!" and we're, "heyow!" so we all go straight to allan's because one and one make three times the fun for everyone. no ghoooooeyyyy. we come up to allan's and the four stooges are sitting on the curb with their potions of death and decay. mr. death himself catches all someday, says third eye open and they're right cuz he's there all longhaired and weird looking with his snout in the air. "roel," allan drools, "you go inside and stuff your fat face now," and roel says, "guess i will." charles and louie and john paul follow with charles looking oh so dandy and velvet-underground-y underneath it all.

and we stuff with indian poor man's rich man's yellow stew (yummy) and red worms with maggots. mmm, allan, we say, mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm. and he's like, sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff. doggie goes to hump a leg and his pink penis sticks out like a sore crumb. of course, mum's the word. and then kaye comes and we're like, "ey kaepyas," and she's like "oi" and all quiet for a while but then she thinks back on her lesbian days and gets all mushy and pretty and soggy and crispy and just plain cute (like she always does). eezle peezle weasle and the cake comes out like the expected surprise it is all brown and melting and full of tokwa. blow out the barrel and roll out the candle... make a wish for each sad little queer you're afraid of, allan, and he's like, "dammit to hell, i'm happy," and on the fourth try he finally kills that godawful flame. stuff stuff all sorts of stuff... ow, tokwa.

then the videoke.

then friends from the beginning of time, from just right before the Big Bang happened. Sharkey's, anyone? yes, two lumps for me, please. and crispy sisig.

good birthday, huh?

we cool we tat.

Happy Birthday, Allan!

Happy birthday to our founder and friend, Allan Montero! We hope you have a great one this year :)

“Speak to me in a language I can hear
Humor me before I have to go
Deep in thought I forgive everyone
As the cluttered streets greet me once again
I know I can’t be late, supper’s waiting on the table
Tomorrow’s just an excuse away
So I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own
The earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
At the blasphemy in my old jangly walk
Steeple guide me to my heart and home
The sun is out and up and down again
I know I’ll make it, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you
And for a moment I lose myself
Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
I’ve journeyed here and there and back again
But in the same old haunts I still find my friends
Mysteries not ready to reveal
Sympathies I’m ready to return
I’ll make the effort, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
Tomorrow’s just an excuse
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you…”

--- The Smashing Pumpkins, Thirty-three

Tambay at Alberto's

There was practice last night for both Soft Pillow Kisses and candyaudioline. Ayn picked me up at around 9 and we headed to Lara's boyfriend's condo to fetch her. I kept texting her that we were on our way, but when we arrived there, she wasn't waiting downstairs. We texted her some more, miss called her, threatened to leave-- still nothing. So Ayn and I decided to get down and ask the guard if she was really there. I also asked Allan to call her up from Alberto's.

We went into the lobby of Sterten and noticed the cool Mediterranean colors. Ayn and I were at first reluctant to sit in the waiting area because it looked like something out of someone's art nouveau living room or something; we were afraid that somewhere there was this teeny tiny sign saying "do not sit'. But then, being kapal mooks anyway, we sat down. The guard wasn't at his post where all the hidden cameras were and Ayn kept commenting about his carelessness heheh. She looked like a bitch queen on her throne, and I her chimay-in-waiting (wala nang space sa cool sofa). Finally, dumating yung guard. "Sir, kilala niyo ba si Lara?" Ayn asked.

"Lara…"

"Lara ni Leo."

"Ahhh… Lara ni Leo. Oo. Sino po sila?"

"Pakisabi naman po na naghihintay kami sa baba. Sabihin mo si Ayn."

"Ano? Hay?"

"Ayn."

"Hine?"

"AYYYN."

"Hiiii--"

"Ah, ser, pakisabi na lang po, si Selena," I interrupt.

"Ahh.. Silina. Sige."

So we wait a couple more minutes, wondering what's taking Lara so long. Suddenly, the elevator opens and out comes Lara with her eyes larger than usual, wearing her usual overcoat and something weird underneath-- an olive green spaghetti blouse and marine blue, hawaiian designed boxer shorts. "Uy, sorry talaga, puyat na puyat ako so nakatulog ako. Hindi ko alam nandyan na pala kayo. Di nga ako nagbihis tsaka nag- toothbrush eh," sabay takip sa bibig niya. Hehehe.

We head on to Alberto's where Allan, Roel, Charles and Louie had just arrived a few minutes before. There were a lot of people there, probably trying to take advantage of the fact that the following day would be a holiday. Nothing was free until much later so we had to tambay for a really long while. We amused ourselves with other things: Louie in her FEU uniform and how she looked like a high school student in it, Allan and Charles' lover's quarrels, Roel's weirdness, Ayn and her crush on that bearded man Roel knows, me and my usual whatever characteristics, Mike the driver and his laser pointer which he used to annoy us by pointing it at our body parts. Oh yeah, there was that tabloid Allan fished out of Ayn's van and the article he read aloud to us entitled "Mr 8 Inches". Hehehe… "Katuwaan" pala ha…

And then practice. Ralph actually arrived, which was weird because Charles was supposed to practice with us as a sessionist. But that was ok, since we missed Ralph anyway. Allan still had Charles play along with us, which made the guitars really thick and rich on some of the songs. Ang sarap ng "Empty You"… although nasapawan yung amazing leads ni Ralph… pero masarap yung kapal ng sound. Nakakahigh hehe. We practiced a few more generic candy set staples before Allan decided to launch us all into "Together" again, probably hoping Charles could add something to it. Ang ganda. Ok na ok rin. Later, after practice, we commented on how charles' addition to the song really worked and I said, "But how are we gonna pull that off at actual performances without him?" and Allan said, "then you do it!"

"Good luck sa plucking!"

Anyway, it was good. Ayn and Roel left soon after our practice and SPK took the studio. Ralph and I hung out in front. He tied my hair with some straw for me :)Then (tinatamad na ako) SPK came out and we all went to Timog Food Plaza to have some Zamboanga chicken. Then we went home.

Iba na talaga pag tamad ka and you're stuck in the office on a holdiay because you need the extra cash. Hehe.

Happy birthday nga pala kay Eric of Popular Days. Teewneewneew neew….

The Blue Fairy Goes "Buzzzzzz"

Saturday, November 22 was the day of Tristania's birthday party and November's Buzz Night. Allan and I were late because Cubao was trafficky and we had a hard time beating all those early Christmas shoppers at Megamall. I had to buy things for my baby nephew; he bought a new guitar (as a birthday gift to himself)-- we shared a gift for Tristania. Charles met us at the mall earlier to help him out with evaluating the guitar but he had to nix Ayn's party because he had promised to pick Louie up at Monumento that afternoon. Yehoo.

But we were terribly late for Tristania's party, which was a horrible thing to do, being a ninong and a ninang. Ayn was texting us demanding where we were. I was worried that there weren't any people there-- it was a relief to discover once we arrived that there were plenty of kids already there enjoying the games. Charms, Jovy and Jovan of Matilda were there, sitting with Ayn, who, in spite of the hassle that comes with organizing a children's party, looked calm and dignified. Things were already in full swing. There were the clowns (ok, Allan, WHO has the p and f syndrome now? Hehe), the balloons, the little kiddies in their fairy tale costumes (tristia's cousin was so cute in a Snow White ensemble!), and the doting titos, titas, mommies and daddies coaching their kids during the games. Allan couldn't fit into the tiny chairs so he opted to stay inside and catch a few winks (after eating, of course). Soon, Ralph and Charmaine arrived (we thought they weren't going to come so it was a pleasant surprise) and we went inside to look at Tristia's picture albums while Ayn catered to her other guests. It was fun to see how Ayn creatively arranged the pictures and how we at the band were sprinkled here and there throughout Tristia's young life. I mean, we may have been late for her birthday party, but we've surely been there for her and Ayn along the way. It was nice to remember those first months when the idea of Tristia being a part of our lives and Ayn's role as a mother were new and exciting.

The pretty little celebrant was dressed as the Blue Fairy and she was pretty happy with the little cheese stick she constantly clutched in her hand, even when Ayn's friends would bother her with their cooing and clucking over her cuteness. Jovan and I loved Tristia's silver shoes and Charms wished she could borrow her fairy wings for the Matilda gig that night. Later, Tristia changed into a frilly pink dress for the candle-blowing ceremony (with, of course, her cheese stick in hand). The clowns made us ninongs and ninangs and titos and titas make wishes for her.

Me: I wish for you, Tristia, all the opportunities in life and the courage to take them.

Charms: I wish for you all the good things in life. *kiss*

Allan: Sana hindi ka tumulad sa nanay mo…

Ralph: Sana maging masaya ka sa buhay.

Charmaine: I wish for you good health…

Jarek: Sana hindi ka maging atheista…

Ngyarks. Hehe. Pero we had our good intentions, especially since we love Tristia and Ayn so much.

We sat around and drank a bit as the party settled down and night came. Mingled with Ayn's other friends, some of who had kids of their own. Roel was at a Kamikazee gig and couldn't come. Suddenly, Ayn decided to come with us to Buzz Night so candyaudioline could play. We were worried because she still had to take the LAE the next day, but she said she could do it and we were also glad that we had the opportunity to perform together again. We assured Tita that we'd let her go home right away.

So we arrived at Buzz Night. There were some people there already, but not many. Candyaudioline started setting up; of course, Allan just had to try out his new guitar. I panicked because my voice started to give. It suddenly disappeared and all that was coming out of me were hoarse croaks. Ayn wanted us to sing "Broken to Pieces" first, but since my voice was cracking, I thought maybe "Flaming Walls" would be a wiser choice so I could warm up. Ahem. I bombed. I couldn't feel nor hear my voice. Piyok City. Pero go pa rin. I just talked the audience through it, told them minamalat ako at pasensiya na hehehe. Dinaan ko na lang sa feelings at attitude. Hahaha! Nakakatawa, but I somehow pulled through it all. Ang saya sana kasi ang ganda ng tugtog nina Ralph nun, as in ang lakas tapos balanse silang lahat. Couldn't help but swoon during the last measures of "An Empty You". Actually, masaya siya talaga, and people enjoyed it kahit papano because they were clapping enthusiastically… a lot more came in after out first song, which was fortunate for the other bands as they had a bigger audience. It was fun.

Sunset Drive played next with their brand of emo. They were nice because they weren't really sure they could come at first, and they made it. They played a good set. Then came Balloon Derby, ever reliable. Then Popular Days, Band of the Night. I say this because they were really tight and they gave a really good performance, just like last month. Buzz Night was actually Tweetums Night because, when introducing "Watch Out For Me", Charles added, "Para kay Louie", which sent us all "yiheeeeing". Feel na feel nga niya yung performance hehe. What's funny was that, when Soft Pillow Kisses sang "Special Day", Louie also said, "Para kay Charles" which sent us "yiheeeeeeeeing" as well, but also laughing because of the meaning of the song. Aaaaaawww. Ahwuhwuh nuhmun, Charles! Tapos, pati si Allan nagpa-tweetums sa "Stay Here For a While". Teehee. Nagulat yata yung Weedisneys dun, eh. Hehehe. Nag short acoustic set din yung Spring Boutique. Last band for the night was Weedisneys because they came from Rock Radio Café, Alabang pa-- buti nakasunod pa sila! Ok nga eh kasi ang galing ng set nila kahit four songs lang, at syempre dahil pa tinugtog nila uili yung "Paranoid Android". Halata pala na maraming nagbabasa ng blog nato kasi sa opening riffs, nagtinginan ba naman lahat sakin! Radiohead kicks ass (hi, thom ;*) hehehe.

Buzz Night was great because people we hadn't expected to come had arrived (Sunset Drive, Spring Boutique and Weedisneys) and also the ever faithful Buzz performers were still there (Popdays and Balloon Derby). Here's looking forward to next month!

Happy Birthday, Candyaudioline Future Keyboardist!

Birthday ni Tristania today. She is one year old! Ack! I could suffocate in her cuteness forever...

pasensiya na. overzealous ninang. guilty!

Love you, Tristia! :*

Long Night and Not Much to Show For It

We were supposed to play last night at UP, but my powers weren't working and Ralph really had to beg off from playing. When Allan told me this yesterday afternoon, I became so upset because I had my heart set on playing again, especially since it was UP. But, of course, we all have to extend the same courtesy towards Ralph as we did to Allan and Roel-- work is always important.

I got home and went online and found Ralph on YM. Told him we missed him and we were sorry he couldn't play. He sounded very regretful, too, and explained that the company had this big client who needed a project done by this Friday; as of the time we spoke, they hadn't done half of it yet. He sounded really distressed. I told him we understood if he had to work... he sounded so relieved about that. I could tell he really was sorry we couldn't play because of him and that he wanted to if he could. We said bye and good luck and dc-ed.

Instead of us, Allan had Soft Pillow Kisses play. That was also nice because we got to see the Manyaks and Louie and Lara again. Ayn and I decided to tag along anyway. I showed Ayn and Allan where I worked (right underneath the venue) and we all hung out together. It was just kind of boring there because we arrived so early and they all ended up playing at 11:30, 1 or 2 hours later than the original plan. It felt like we had been there the whole day. Not many people were there, probably because it was very early in the semester and nobody knew much about the event. The crowd had dwindled considerably by the time SPK went onstage to perform their four songs. They played a really good set and "Bathing in the Sun" was especially beautiful because it bounced off the domed roof and echoed throughout the hall. Of course, the crowd was really sleepy because they were really waiting for Moonstar 88 and Cheese, who both gave very short but very sweet sets.

Then we went to Pares to eat. People weren't talking much haha... I wonder why. Maybe we were all tired. Some of us had other things on their minds. John Paul and Lara though were really goofing off with their OPM medley, influenced by the complimentary Ginebra San Miguel Blue from the organizers. We then went our separate ways, and who knows what happened to each of our little groups after that...?

Magpapanovena na ba ako? Sana nga lang makatugtog tayo bukas. Don't get me wrong-- i understand Ralph is pretty busy these days, pero i'm just really wishing and trying to will it into reality. Dapat nga ngayong gabi sa Mayric's pero di rin yata kaya, and I think di na rin tuloy yung Moonstar 88 dahil walang boses si Acel.

mwahaha, speaking of Acel losing her voice, something funny happened yeesterday. basta... kaya ko palang abutin yung mga kanta nila. buti sana kung alam ko rin yung lyrics (ultimong "torete" ba naman di alam!)...

hehehe.

punta na rin kayo tomorrow. masaya yun. i decree na kakayanin ni ralph hehe!

sana pwede si ralph

November 16, 2003




Dear Sir/Madam:

Good day!

This is the official program flow that will be followed on November 18, 2003 (Tuesday). The concert, “Smooth Operator” will start at 7 PM. You are requested to come one hour before your scheduled time.

Should you have any questions, please contact:

Maria Isabel Artajo

Thank you very much.

7 PM Introduction and announcement of winners for the car show
745 PM Front Act 1
8 PM Front Act 2
815 PM Hemp Republic
850 PM Candyaudioline
910PM Sugarfree
940 PM Moonstar 88
10 PM Cheese
1020 PM Brownman Revival

Got this off the net

(Allan, sino sha?)

soft pillow kisses/candyaudioline
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the course of last month, I noticed one very patient person with a terribly slow connection downloading a shoegaze video off of me. After a few weeks, when he finally got the whole thing, I dropped him a congratulatory line. Got to talking with the guy and he directed me to his music. Turns out he plays with a couple of unsigned bands in the Phillipines called soft pillow kisses and candyaudioline. I grabbed a couple of songs off of him and really liked what I heard.

To give a point of reference, candyaudioline has a Lush Lovelife sound and soft pillow kisses sounds a bit like perhaps The Sundays. Somebody else could probably come up with a more accurate reference. Hardly matters, the songs are lovely in and of themselves. The female vocals slay me. This guy, Allan, is very heavily influenced by Loveless era MBV and early Ride, so if you think you might like something shamelessly influenced by that, then seek out his music. I'll suggest "Felt so Fine" by candyaudioline and "I Don't Know What to Say" by soft pillow kisses because those are the songs he suggested to me.

Post Mortem

Baka puede mag spin si Allan dito. Saka si Jef. Ahehehe.

Morning Quickie

Ayn texted me this morning asking where my office was. I told her where but that I wasn't there yet because I was late (hehe). She told me to pass by the restaurant near my office.

So I dropped in on her and Jarek at Chocolate Kiss. They were having a delicious grilled chicken sandwich (sorry, I'm hungry right now and I remember ordering that before ;) and resting after they had just prerogged for bowling... or some other thing they had to do that led them to Chocolate Kiss, I don't know. All that mattered was that Ayn was there. She told me Tristia has recovered from her fever and that she's normal and as noisy as ever. I was so relieved to hear that. She didn't go to her first class with Santos (my favorite lit teacher from UPDECL, because he looks like he'd really rather be doing something else for a living hehe)... I forgot to tell her that it was ok because Sir never goes to class in the first week just to avoid prerogs.

Anyway, it was great seeing her at an hour too early to associate with her and candyaudioline haha. Refreshing. And it worked. Had a good day today. Burned her a candy cd because she doesn't have copies of the songs yet! Weird! Anyway, I took care of that in a jiffy. Had to leave at around 10 am to get back to work. Come to think of it, I should have grabbed some fries off her plate. *rumble, rumble*

*

By the way, we're playing on the 17th at Mayric's along with Moonstar 88 and Kamikazee. Be there!

Buzz Night is on the 22nd. We probably won't play, but it's good to support the indie scene.

Two In A Row At 70’s Bistro

We fronted for Parokya ni Edgar last night at 70’s Bistro. Ayn picked me up and we found Roel, who had been there since 7 pm (we arrived at 9:30), tired and sleepy. Allan arrived at around 10:15 and the manager of 70’s kept asking us to set up, only Ralph wasn’t there. Just as when we were really getting nervous, he finally arrived, bugnot and tired.

There was no sign of Parokya yet so we anticipated a long set. I didn’t feel confident with the first song, “Flaming Walls” because I couldn’t hear my voice so well… but after warming up with that, the next few songs were a breeze and I started enjoying the set. Sumasayaw pa nga ako, and I couldn’t really help it because it did feel good to be there. It was laid back; 70’s begged us to keep it that way, I think, it being a small venue. We had to keep the volume of our guitars at bay… that didn’t stop us from giving a rocking set, though. The manager said we were still a little too loud hehe. Syempre may mga sablay kami ng konti, pero astig pa rin, tsaka enjoy tumugtog ulit. Dapat talaga wala kaming practice pag may tugtog.

The people enjoyed us, too, even if they were really, really, really there for Parokya ni Edgar. Some of them were foot tapping and head banging (haha), and they clapped appreciatively. It’s fun to play for crowds like that, too, because you can feel the respect they have for your efforts, which is always appreciated.

Soft Pillow Kisses minus Louie were there to support us. I think Lara’s “yeah”s and really loud claps supported the illusion that we were appreciated hehe. It was great to see Pillow again, especially since Allan hasn’t been playing with them much and it has seemed that candy has been getting the exposure recently. Hindi naman daw, sabi niya… nagkakataon lang. I’m sure Pillow will be gigging again soon. They had to leave early and Ayn did too (Because Tristania’s sick! Boo!), so sabay sabay silang lahat. Naiwan kami nina Roel, Ralph at Allan, and when Parokya was fully set up, we decided to grab some grub.

I suggested the Sikatuna Pares, so we hopped onto an empty jeep. First time naming mag-jeep na magkakasama (although I remember nag-jeep kami dati nina Roel at Allan from EDSA to Mister Kebab nung tumugtog kami sa San Pedro). Sayang wala si Ayn. Ralph lay down on the seat because there was so much space— ako rin hehe. Wala lang. Trip. Nakakatakot nga kasi ang bilis ng takbo tapos feeling ko mahuhulog kami. So nag-pares na nga kami. Ok naman. Masarap. Panalo talaga yung pares dun compared sa pares ng tapat ng Millennia. Wag niyo lang daw i-order yung Katsudon, sabi ni Ralph.

Pero ok talaga yung chicken rice ng Partners Pares.

So we went back to 70’s and waited for Parokya to finish, which happened around 2 am. Then we all went home. Fin.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

Saturday was a bit blah because people were tired and had problems at work that prevented the night from sailing smoothly. Roel was caught somewhere far away with Cheese. Allan was worrying about the Moonstar Cuneta Astrodome thing and the night’s benefit gig for Allan B. at Music Warehouse Manila. We were supposed to pick Ayn up at Mayric’s by nine but due to unavoidable circumstances arrived there at 10, where she was languishing at a SKA event. Well, at least she had Speedy G. to keep her company hehehe.

When we were about to leave for Music Warehouse, Lara walked in with her boyfriend. She was so surprised to see us and she begged us to keep her company, except that we had to go already. She kissed Speedy G. first, though, as per Ayn’s wishes.

We arrived at Music Warehouse where Moonstar was about to begin their set. During soundcheck, people were dancing to R&B and disco. On our way to the stage, Ayn started pulling me and Allan towards the dance floor. We thought she was joking, until we were actually stepping onto it— Allan laughed and begged off desperately, saying he had to attend to business. I, on the other hand, felt helpless as we joined the gyrating throng. For a split second, Ayn and I just looked at each other crazily and, as if on cue, we started waving our arms and dancing like the others! It was so bizarre! And then, I guess we realized how ridiculous we looked (and maybe we couldn’t really stomach it anymore hehe) so we laughed and made our way to backstage. I wonder if Kamikazee saw us hehehe.

We wanted to be one of the front acts, but Roel was nowhere in sight and we were told to wait. So Ayn and I had two beers each by the rear air conditioners. I started feeling really cold and sleepy and tired. Allan gave me his jacket but I still felt really bad and queasy. Ayn took Ralph with her to fetch someone from Alberto’s but I asked to stay because I felt like I would puke if I moved too much. I stayed at a table near the board so Allan could watch over me from there. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I fell asleep for a while, and when I woke up, I felt slightly better but quite bugnot. Bad trip kasi pag pagod. It was our turn… they told us our set had been reduced to three songs because people wanted to dance already and there was still Cheese to perform. So we did our set. I was kind of sullen, especially since there was this guy who was screaming at us to get off the stage because they wanted to dance already, but I also liked the feeling up there because it was so loud. On that stage, you feel like Supreme Ruler of the World. It was a good set, performance-wise. Anyway, it turned out that Cheese didn’t perform anymore so we could all go home early and those buffoons in the audience could osterize their brains in their skulls to the beat of the house showband’s music.

We decided to go to Klub 102 because it was indie night and people had been texting us that everyone was there. However, we only arrived at around 3 am, and they had all just left. We were the only people there aside from the waiters, Joseph and the two DJs. Allan was depressed about that because he had been hoping to see his friends.

Lara texted Allan so he could tell Ayn that so many guys had thought her beautiful while she was waiting for us at Mayric’s. That brightened her up a bit, but I guess the fact that we were all alone at Klub 102 was just overpoweringly sad.

So… we left after half an hour. And that was quite depressing.

Oh yeah, I took out the zonkboard because it’s supposed to be purchased. Oh well, I’ll try to find a free tagboard elsewhere. For now, kitakits sa mailing list. Join kayo, may link sa taas ng blog. Oh yeah… and I’ll try to return the popdays link someday… it got erased when I cleaned the blog’s template.

See ya!

Matilda’s EP Launch

We’re all friends, of course. It just so happened that in the heat of stress and emotions and the wish to fulfill promises made, even the best of friends can falter.

Ayn and I arrived on time at Millennia for the Matilda EP Launch in the hopes that we could perform SOMEHOW. Charles was there, having just fixed Ayn’s bass, and as Allan requested he accompanied us for the night. There was a little personal surprise Ayn had in store for us that night, but it’s something too delicate to tell. It just concerns Tristania, whom she had brought that night and proudly showed off to Matilda fans and friends alike. Tristania was so cute in her denim dress and bonnet, but sleep had made her ornery and she just chose to cling to her mother for the rest of the time she was there. Ayn sent her home after a while, having achieved her purpose for the night.

Matilda’s EP launch was successful and well-planned. Jovan was kind enough to give us our food stubs, even if there really was no way for us to play that night. Charms, in her black dress and fisherman’s hat, reminded me of a prettier Jeepers Creepers hehehe. The rest of the band were decked in red and white. Their first set, after sets from friends Kiko Machine and Lester Canon, was a series of covers with the various sessionists they had worked with at one time or another. Ayn was slated to play “Cornflake Girl”, and though she had hesitated on a few first notes because she thought it was still part of soundcheck (hehe), she gave a powerful thump to the Matrilda rendition. Ang galing nila (Matilda), especially when their violinist Maricor does her thing.

All throughout the gig, we were texting Allan and asking if he could still make it. He sounded very distraught and stressed out. Charms was disappointed because she really wanted to hear us play “Flaming Walls”; she even talked it over with the band and they decided to let us play even after their final set, just so we could. Sadly, even that was impossible. We were embarrassed, but there really was nothing anyone could do because even Allan and Roel wanted to play— but they had work, which was also very important. Matilda understood, of course. We thanked them for inviting us and left for Klub 102 when the night was over.

Charles had invited Chi of Millennia to join us at Klub 102 where we were to meet Allan later that morning. He didn’t look to sure, but he said they’d try… he asked if he could bring Diego of Monsterbot and some friends. Of course, we agreed.

So there we were, Ayn and Charles and I, at Klub 102, waiting. We were waiting for Allan. We were waiting for Chi, but thinking they probably wouldn’t be able to follow because we had heard that Tiffany and the rest of the group at Millennia were heading to Nakayama in Matalino to drink. Around half an hour later, Chi arrived with Diego, Ge and Bea. We were pleased that they had come, even if it was such an impromptu plan. They found the place cool, and were looking eagerly at the Joy Division, Killing Joke, Robert Smith, Sid Vicious posters. “Uy, pare, may Moshi Moshi record pa dito o.” Hehe.

“British na british dito a.”

They had fun listening to the music, and it reminded me of the first time we drank there. They were thinking of songs to request... they thought Kulb 102 was cool. We talked to them also; it was the first time we hung out with them. Chi was introducing me to their other friend (Um, I think her name was Jen… sorry, by that time I was tipsy and the music was loud and I couldn’t hear well) and he couldn’t tell her what my name was because WE had never been introduced. “Selena,” I said, shaking their hands and to Chi, “That’s ok. We’d never been introduced. I have this picture of the two of us together and when I had to name the file, I named it “Selena and Some Guy’.” We laughed at that.

Diego is actually my nephew in some weird way. My first cousin is his dad’s first cousin… I think it’s that close. This is all by affinity of course. He didn’t remember me right away though. “What??? You didn’t remember me? Then why were you saying hi to me at gigs all these months? Who did you think i was?”

“I don’t know… I recognized you, but I didn’t know from where! But yeah, I remember we were ushers at Ate Bon’s wedding with sina Armee…”

Haha. Weird. So by the time we were buzzed, we were telling all the people around the table, “Hey, I’m his TITA!” and “Hey she’s my TITA!” Sheesh. But at least now, we can really talk when we see each other because we’re sure hehe. He promised he’d burn me an eggboy cd one day… and I’ll probably give him some candy too.

There was this really funny thing that happened. Ayn told Diego that he looked like LA Lopez, and all of us were laughing. He was indignant at first, “Hindi naman ha! Jao Mapa, pwede pa! Hahah!” and then in two seconds he suddenly burst out with, “Eh kasi BATA!” which set us guffawing anew. Oh, man. You should have seen that. It was great… as Ayn said before about our first Klub 102 experience, this one had “good vibes”.

Allan arrived really late because he couldn’t get away from Cheese right away. He’d already downed a liter and a half of Red Horse before then. But he sat and talked with us until sina Chi had to go. Oh yeah, I’d like to thank the girl who arrived, Jen (?), for being so nice to us and sharing her red wine with us. Thank you so much.

And that was it for Friday night.

Don't Panic

"We live in a beautiful world.... yeah, we do." - Coldplay

Um, I talked to Ayn this morning and she said she and Allan talked already. Just wanted to report this, in case you were all worrying. I have to admit that I let a few tears go after reading the last two posts... but things are ok now. Just wanted to dispel any rumors that might start...

thank heavens for friendship.

Cut Dead

"Cut Dead" is also a Jesus and Mary Chain song. It's not one of my all-time favorite songs (but what the heck) and it's up to you if you think this has something to do with this entry. This is my reaction to what Allan had posted:

The thing about my band started out with the plans to play for the Matilda EP launch tonight. Being one of the bands who had given much help and support for Matilda, we have been invited to play for their much awaited EP launch. Charms had invited the band through me over a month before the schedule. Since there had already been a definite schedule for the launching, I had informed my bandmates about the gig. Given the hectic schedule of my bandmates due to their work, I waited for their confirmation before I told Matilda that we can play for their event.

Two to three weeks before the gig, my bandmates had given me the confirmation. It was only then that I told Matilda that we can be lined-up. Everytime I see my bandmates, I always reminded them about the gig (not only in person but also through texts and my posts on our blog) and I have asked them over and over again (to the point of becoming annoying already) if they really are sure about playing for that gig. They had all been saying yes. And once again, at the last minute, they’ll take back their answer and tell me that they can’t play after all.

It would have been okay if I know that I wasn’t able to remind them enough; it would have been okay if they never gave me confirmation that we can play; it would have been okay if the "last minute decision" was made earlier; it would have been okay if this sudden change of decision only affects us and not another band that has spent countless nights of having no sleep just to plan for the event (they could have lined some other band up for this gig if they only knew that we can’t play); it would have been okay, if this isn’t the second time that this shite has happened.

I’m a bit bothered about Allan’s “never understand” (taken from a track off the Jesus and Mary Chain's The Complete John Peel Sessions album) post on our blog. I’m not really sure if I’m the one he’s pertaining to in his post--but if that was all about me, I guess I’d have to say that the feeling is mutual.

The only reason why I am making such a big deal out of my being pissed at this whole thing is because I care for my band. I care so much for my band that I’ve never really been able to study for school in favor of gigs and practices; I care so much for my band that I've missed so many family gatherings and dinners (including my father's birthday) in favor of gigs and practices; I care so much for my band that there had been countless nights when I wasn't able to sleep beside my daughter and consequently not spend the day with her because I had to catch up with my sleep during the day in favor of gigs and practices; and lastly, I care so much for my band that I've been trying to get us gigs or have been welcoming invitations from other events (instead of pre-occupying myself with better things) so as we can get more exposure that we deserve. I actually do think that we are worth more than just a Backbeat/Montero-Tan organized gig. My concern for the band is neither petty nor irrational.

I share the same passion that my bandmates have (or whatever passion is left in them) for our band. It just so happens that aside from playing bass, this is the only contribution that I can offer. If my concern and my willingness to contribute is something that these people will only brush aside or look down upon, to the point that they think their indecisions shouldn’t really matter because this is nothing but a sorry show of pettiness and irrationality, I guess I can’t help but think that my being a part of this band all boils down to nothing, that I am just a mere puppet (and perhaps even a mascot) and I was never a part of a team who should be working together for a common goal.

Besides, is there really a common goal amongst us members of Caudioline? Or have we been pretending that there is one since early last year?

Nothing new has been happening with the band. We’ve been stagnant for almost two years. The only thing that we’ve achieved so far is having a permanent line up since early last year. We may have recorded something, but it was only in vain. Nobody took the recording seriously-not even the recording technician/engineer (or whatever you may call Mr. Rozul) himself. We’ve never come up with a new song since Selena came in. For the past year, we were just satisfied with hearing good comments from people. That was enough to make us feel good about ourselves. That was enough for us to consider being stuck in an illusion that something must be happening with our band. Now… THAT, I think, is what one may call petty and irrational. Is it so wrong for me to act and do something to save whatever is left with this so-called band?

But what can I do? I’m just a small part of the band anyway. I never wanted to get sick of what has been happening with my band, or with the band itself. But that’s what they’re making me feel. There are four of them and I’m just one person. None of them will ever listen to me. So much for wanting to be of help.

I never wanted to call it quits. But judging from the way they have been treating me and my sorry attempts in helping out, I guess that’s what they really want. There’s nothing I can do.

I, too, am sick and tired of not being given appreciation for whatever I'm trying to contribute (not that I'm asking for it, but not pointing a finger at me because of wanting to help could have been enough)--no matter how minute they may seem for my bandmates. I, too, am a very busy person even if it doesn't show. I also have other priorities: my family, my daughter, my schooling, and my preparation for my future and my daughter's future. Real soon, I'll be joining the real world too and will also have a career besides being a single mother (I have no siblings to count on once my parents are gone and a so-so job can never feed me and my daughter).

Oh well. THIS "band thing" cannot kill me as well. I also have better things to do and worry about.

This is pointless. They, too, will never understand.

Allan was right: It was fun, but only for a while.

never understand

"never understand" is one of my all time fave jesus and mary chain songs...

it is also what i'm feeling right this very moment... "i will never understand why some people seem to never understand why a certain situation, condition, concern or action should take into effect and need to be accepted even with a heavy heart"... i am a very busy person with real life concerns trying my best to excercise my duties and responsibilities, to the best of my abilities, to my family, my special someone, people at work - even if they don't deserve it, my bandmates and friends and even to people whom i don't have any affilliation whatsoever... i'm really fed up... i'm tired of pleasing people who don't really give a fuck about what i feel... i'm tired of the people i know who only think about themselves, worry about their very petty, oftentimes irrational concerns...

last night we played at a benefit gig for a friend... it was fun actually but only for a while...

changes may have to be made... but i still wish it won't come to that point... but what can i do? They're the ones who want to make things happen... fine... it won't kill me naman eh...

but still, i will never understand...

Together

Hey. We practiced the other night. Ralph still had a very bad ear ache, but Allan picked him up anyway. Ayn picked me up and Roel met us there. It was just the five of us, no manyaks nor boy/girlfriends around. We were there to practice... and also to make me learn some more candy songs on the guitar.

Hmm. That euphoria that always comes with playing was there, as usual. It wasn't quite the polished candy feel we have at gigs because I was there to add my little flubs, but I think what mattered more at that point was that we were together, making an effort, striving towards the common goal of making good music. We were pretty focused that night, but it wasn't forced... and when we went out for breaks, we'd be catching up on each other, say, telling Ralph about our Klub 102 experiences or talking about an interesting "diner" some of us had been to recently. Just sharing stories, blah blah blah. Then back to practice.

We then decided to go to Allan B's mom's wake. We arrived there to find Concrete Sam and Cheese and Kamikazee hanging out by the driveway of the funeral home. So, you know, the usual small talk. Ayn and I preferred to sit in the gutter and muse on the cobblestones. Of course, we were also whispering about _____ and being all kilig about it. Hahaha. Finally, Allan B. led us inside. I noticed suot niya yung red shirt niya from the night before nung binisita namin siya ng mga manyak hehehe (tama bang ipagkalat yun...?).

So candyaudioline paid our respects. The place had a light atmosphere, in spite of it all. The guys were chatting with Allan B. Ayn and I stared at the flower arrangements; she told me that the name of the flower that I really liked on one corona was "stargazer". We were discussing where one could possibly buy one of those morbid mass card holders, the ones with the severed hands for clamps. I guessed the funeral home would probably point out their supplier to Ayn, if she asked them nicely.

After a while, we gave Allan B our condolences and set off for our favorite Pares Place in Kamuning. It was a miracle that Roel was with us, still. I couldn't help noticing again on the way there that it was the five of us-- pure, solid, untainted, still candyaudioline. The core. It was amazingly satisfying to think of that.

At Pares, Allan and Ralph discussed the possibility of recording an album very soon. The more they talk about it, the closer it gets to becoming a reality.

Candyaudioline

Allan Montero - vocals, guitars
Ralph Romero - guitars
Ayn Ruth - bass
Selena Salang - vocals
Roel Sotto - drums

*

Upcoming gigs:

Tonight - Mayric's... all backbeat bands are playing a benefit gig for Susan Burdeos
Friday - Millennia... Matilda EP launch. Malamang baka sobrang aga kami tumugtog or sobrang late.
Saturday - benefit gig uli for Allan B's mom. Baka sa Music Warehouse Manila because that's what I overheard.

*

Ok na pala ako. I've realized that there's a bigger picture. No more worrying. Just need more sleep.

I've informed ALL of you about this gig weeks ago

Mahiya naman kayo pag hindi tayo matutuloy. Charms has given us the freedom to choose what time we would like to play for that night. Mahiya naman kayo kapag biglang di tayo sisipot.

*zzzzz...*

me sleepy in office. eyes hurt. worried about ralph's ears. worried about roel not being available for gigs this weekend. worrying about ayn making tampo (hehe conyo) at us for not being able to take her along on bonding sessions (hi ayn ;) worried about allan's bloodshot eyes and aching arms (lumalapot na raw kasi dugo niya hehehe...). worried about me and the popping capillaries in my cheeks.

me have nothing to do here. finished editing copy for upcoming book. want to sleep and go home and listen to my newfound old tapes. me worried about my lovelife. me worried about people involved in my lovelife. me worried about worrying too much about my lovelife. me worried about worrying, in general. me falling apart. me irritable and jumpy. me almost cried at lunchtime because me snap at waitress for my food. me worried about not crying yet, because me was supposed to have cried at least once since ayn's birthday. me want to cry so badly but me feel numb and tired.

me want gig. me want sanity.

earache anyone?

yes. i'm sick again.

after my roadie duties last last saturday (for kamikazee, the youth, and moonstar88 respectively), i was again bedridden for two days. which is weird since not a hint of rain was felt that day or any day before that. come wednesday i was so paranoid about possibly having dengue that i decided to have a medical check up. on my way home i met bespren romel, and told me of allan bords' mother's death. quite shocking, especially since i was with him the saturday before.

and then, last saturday, allan called up about the benefit gig for allan's mom. sometime after i put the phone down, i felt something pop on my left ear... which caused some pain,numbness and deafness on that area. paranoia struck me again. has candy's noisepop caught up with me? i tried to sleep the pain away, but after an hour of tossing and turning, the pain was becoming unbearable. again i went to the hospital to have my ear checked. again i had to take some medicine. arrrghh.

luckily, this earache won't spell the end of my days with candy. it still hurts as of this writing, though.

kitakits wednesday!

Benefit Gigs

I think Allan will be able to post more info on this very uninformative announcement, but on wednesday and saturday, Backbeat Management will be having benefit gigs for Allan Burdeos' mother, who passed away last Monday. Allan B. is the drummer of Kamikazee. I'm not sure which will be held at Mayric's and which will be at Music Warehouse Manila, but I think it'll be wednesday and saturday, respectively. Please do come.

We're supposed to play for both, but this will entirely depend on Ralph's schedule as he has the most rigid one of all candy members (schedule, not anything else ;D).

The Matilda EP launch, well... Allan will also have to keepyou guys posted for that. Cross your fingers.

Filling a Hollow Eve

So, come Halloween, Ayn took me to this Goth gathering at Absinth, Greenbelt. First, we had to pick up a few Goths on the way, mostly guys. Then we went to another Goth’s house (a girl) in Boni, where some of them primped up for the night. Man. That took three hours. Imagine guys taking three hours to prepare for a party. Guys asking each other to do each other’s hair… guys asking each other if they should wear this or that skirt, this or that bauble. I tell you, it was like nothing I had ever experienced… guys primping. Ayn and I were so hungry by the time they finished, but the results were effective. Lyra (the one who owned the apartment) looked especially striking in her very revealing corset and her bright red cloak.

We passed by PBCOM first to look at Lyra’s interior design exhibit. We looked like a gang of vampires walking past the sets and people were really staring. I wasn’t as scary-looking as the others, but I was wearing a long, dark dress, boots and my brown coat—at best I looked grunge-y indie. Still, I think we looked pretty intimidating. Carmi Martin the actress was one of the people who had an exhibit there, and for some reason, she felt like giving us a full explanation of her work. We just sort of sullenly patronized her and nonchalantly walked off when she was finished. Supernatural beings aren’t really interested in sunnily-motifed bathroom sets, especially if the designer doesn’t even know what kind of stone her own creation is made of.

Off to Greenbelt because we were really hungry. Watched Late Isabel’s open air set while Goths were saying their hellos. Felt slightly like a fish out of water, but it wasn’t their fault. In general, club outings turn me into a wallflower. Ayn, Lyra and I decided to go and sit inside Absinth. The two actually ordered absinthe, which they said was really good but unbelievably, incredibly, stupefyingly potent. Got to meet Paolo, who showed me a picture of his to-die-for Spanish boyfriend whom he had met on the Net. Got to meet Maski (sorry if I spell it wrong), decked in a priest’s outfit, who was so solicitous and kept asking if I was okay (I was very sleepy and it showed). I was so tired, I decided to lie down on the couch and take a few minutes’ nap. Annejo kept asking me to dance but I just felt too shy. They were so nice to me. Allan was supposed to go with us, but he had a gig in Dagupan with Moonstar 88. I wondered aloud what he would wear if he had come along. Ayn said, “Ano pa ba? Eh di as Uncle Fester!” Haha :) Patok siya, kung ganun…

Lyra made a comment, which I promised her I would put on the blog: “I find it so weird that all these waiters are dressed like vampires and they have ‘blood’ smeared all over their mouths. I mean, it’s kind of like eating a plate of spaghetti and having sauce all over your face and you not bothering to wipe it up. It’s bad manners.”

“Yeah… yeah… I know what you mean. But then again, maybe they just want to hint at this animalistic, barbaric side—like when animals eat they just dig in with their mouths and inevitably smear themselves with blood. Maybe they want to hint at these primeval, base tendencies to make themselves scarier.”

“Honey, if you dress in black velvet, there can be nothing animalistic about you.”

Haha. That was so insightful. It just goes to show how these people take their lifestyle seriously. No pretensions in this bitch queen.

At around 1 am, I was feeling really tired and Ayn, pretty shitty. She wanted to go home. We were also really hungry. I suggested we eat at Pares and said I would treat her for once. We showed up there and the guard recognized us. “Sir, pano yan? Meron pa ba para samin? Dalawa kami eh.”

“Ah, dalawang mesa?” He obviously thought we had brought the whole bunch with us.

“Hindi! Kaming dalawa lang hehe.”

So Ayn and I sat at the counter and she started bitching about her night. I totally agreed with her, but I was also hoping that she wouldn’t let it ruin Halloween for her. Two guys sat beside us and ordered Pares. They kept staring at us. So did the other male customers. I guess we looked strange and beautiful in our flowing garbs. It contrasted with the way we were wolfing down our food. Mmm.

The funny part was, when I finally asked for the bill, the woman said it cost P227. "What???" I only had P180 on me and I wondered how it got to be that high, since we had only ordered 1 meal and 1 drink each. She thought we were with those two guys who had eaten Pares beside us! Crap! They had already left! Crap, crap, crap! I told her I refused to pay for their meal. She consulted the other waiter and ended up revising the bill anyway, which was a relief. The nerve of those men! Creeps.

We then decided to pass by Millennia. Tiffany was there and she let us just walk inside. We heard someone calling our name—it was Macky from Concrete Sam. He looked so genuinely happy to see us, and in truth we were grateful to see a familiar face, hoping that the night would turn around for us. Macky bought Ayn a beer at the Videoke place next door and asked where we came from. Ayn proceeded to tell him about her shitty night. These guys sitting at the front steps overheard her and they were playfully agreeing with her. Ayn bit and started talking to them, too. Macky introduced us to them (from Too Late the Hero)… Joe causally invited us to tag along and drink with them at the place beside Behrouz along Scout Rallos. We agreed.

They were really nice to us, as well. For one thing, we didn’t have any money, but they encouraged us to order… they were pleasantly surprised that we ate some isaw, originally thinking that we were the ugh-that’s-so-dirtyyyyyyy type. Kahit naka-dress kami, cowboy pa rin kami. I heard Joe say to someone, “Okay, no? may kasama pa kaming dalawang prinsesa.” Hehe, how flattering. A blackout actually happened while we were drinking and it made the night just a wee bit more interesting, having to talk and drink by candlelight. It was cool… the punk guys were fun to hang out with and they were kind enough to let us, even if we had just met them. So at around 5 am, we all promised to Friendster each other (!) and went our separate ways.

All in all, it was a good turnaround, right? What a night…

Boys Don't Cry (Party Pics)

Pictures by Paul Manahan of Klub 102

MORE PICS

Eve of All Hallows

Happy Halloween my dear friends!

Goblets of red wine to everyone....



Love and Slack,
Ayn Ruth Baudelaire +

Thanks!

Thanks everyone for gracing my party last Tuesday night. I'm so glad that everybody had fun----and got dead drunk:

Selena and Allan of Candyaudioline, Lara of SPK, Antz and Jefkid of Spring Boutique, the manyak boys plus Erick of Popular Days, Mia, Joey, Aisha, Annejo, Charms of Matilda, Chris, Jihad (Moomtaz), Oneil, Mario, Aldem, Roel (Five Wounds to Enter)...etc...

It wouldn't be the same if you guys weren't there.
*sniff sniff*

Thanks also to Paul of Klub 102 for the tequila and for being so accommodating with the guests. He he. I'm really sorry about the mess. We'll be back there real soon!

We kick arse.

I love you all.

*wave wave*

Ayn's Birthday Bash

Last Tuesday, as you all know, was Ayn’s birthday, which she held at Klub 102. We arrived there before Allan and Jeff, but the owner recognized us anyway and he asked who the celebrant was. We all pointed at Ayn and the man came out with this bottle of Cuervo Gold, saying it was a present from them. Ayn was so touched, and we immediately set ourselves up for some shots.

Needless to say, we got very drunk because of those tequila shots, to the point where I did not know what I was doing or saying anymore. I just knew I was having A LOT of fun. I didn’t even notice when Ayn’s other guests started trickling into the bar. The Manyaks were there, of course, and so were Antz and Erick, both of whom had shamelessly cut their indie locks for more clean-cut gelled hair. I remember telling Antz over and over again that he looked like a BA student hehehe. I was sitting with them and SPK at the bar having a beer. While I was talking to John Paul, I vaguely sensed that Lara was up to something. Imagine my surprise when she sprinkled salt on MY hand, and used it to lick, shoot and suck her tequila shot! Of course, since I myself was inebriated, I found that really funny and I told her she had to let me do it to her, too. So she gave me her hand, and right before I did it, she squealed ticklishly. We really cracked up over our crude attempt at “body shots”. We forced Charles to let us lick his hand, too, and that meant more tequila—more drunk!

Hmm… it was Ayn’s birthday and you’re reading this, thinking, “When is she gonna start about the celebrant already?” Sorry, folks, I can’t help you much there. I really was that weird. Only tequila can do that to me. I remember seeing Ayn sort of dazed and smiling serenely, leaning her head on Jihad’s shoulder for support. I’d say something inane to her and she just kept smiling like that. Well, she LOOKED like she had been having a happy birthday… :)

My favorite part was the dancing. We were all soooo drunk. Allan had arrived and had taken over Jeff’s DJ-ing. We went upstairs to watch him and we were just really enjoying the good music. Antz puked in between the giant speakers, I saw him hehehe. And then, Allan played “June”, which was one of Lara’s favorite songs and she started dancing. So I got up and joined her. And we were embracing each other and all dancing like fools! And then I requested for “Deserve” by Trembling Blue Stars, which Allan played, and the great thing about it was that we ALL started singing the chorus… “But as for YOU, as for YOU… you’re everything that I thought you we-errrrre… and I don’t… DESERVE you….” It was so cool. We were just really nuts and drunk and enjoying the music and having fun being together.

It was a pity I had to go soon after that because they tell me Charles did this really funny dance. But it was already 4 am around that time. I said goodbye to Ayn, kissing her CHASTELY several times on the lips. She was still smiling serenely at me.

It was a great birthday, Ayn. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Announcement

I've deleted my personal blog. I've realized that I couldn't stomach the idea of people reading things about the people i know and love, without those friends (and lovers ;) knowing about it. It sickens me. I'd rather stick to clean stuff like candyaudioline does hehehe...

Don't get me wrong. It saddens me, but I think I'll feel better in time. Maybe I can start anew someday. Sorry, nabawasan tuloy kayo ng internet soap opera fix niyo. Nyehehe.

Wala pa kaming tugtog anytime soon, except for the Matilda EP launch. Sana tumugtog na kami, for real.

Lastly, I would just like to say that I am not a liar, just a real person who has her weaknesses and faulty reasoning. Thank you. Bow.

I didn't want to spoil the party, so I went...

Buzz Night

Buzz Night was great! I can only give highlights for now because I'm still hurting from the late night, and the following are my own choices:

* At the Moonstar gig at Claret, the crowd responded so well.
* Weedisneys played "Where Is My Mind" (complete with violinist na sabi nina Allan and Charles ang kyut kyut) and "Paranoid Android"!!!! (Hi, thom ;*) And their volume was really great.
* Met a guy from INK who had read my personal blog and who likes candyaudioline. Very friendly :)
* Popular Days is still alive!!! They played a great acoustic set last night. Napa-awwwwwwwww nga kami kasi napaka-moving talaga ng intro ng "December Song" hehehe. And of course, bati na kasi si Eric at si Charles (Yiheeeeee! Kiss!).
* Nag-bonding pa kami nina Kaye...
* Tinupad ni Jeff yung pangako niya at pinansin niya ako hahaha!
* Kita namin si Ralph, although briefly... and he actually suggested practicing tonight. "Ralph, ikaw ba yan???" Hehe.
* Picture taking galore with people's phones...

Ang saya. Sana nga lang tumugtog yung candyaudioline kagabi. Pero ok lang. Sana na lang magka gig uli para makasama rin namin sina Ayn at Roel.

Friendster Bulok

friendster is down... lipat na kayo sa http://www.myspace.com

Posting

hey guys. I'm so glad you've been posting. it's kind of one-sided when it comes from me. i like hearing your sides of the story ;) besides, my posts are not half as funny as ayn's hehehe...

Matilda EP Launch

We're playing on November 7 (Friday) at Millennia for this. Show starts at 9m. 5 songs.

MATILDA EP Launch
07 November 2003, 9pm
@ Millennia Bar and Café
Kamuning Road, QC.

With performances by Lester Cannon, Twisted Halo
and Candyaudioline.

Admission is FREE!!!

best band in the world!!!

last night we played at 70's bistro... it could be considered as one of our best gigs for the past few weeks although there's a weird feeling that comes with it because VOLUME was never a factor last night... yes, it wasn't that LOUD!!! ARE WE GROWING OLD... HEHEHE... i just wish that some day... fate would smile at CANDYAUDIOLINE and give us venues that would really allow us (and others like us) to play in the manner that we realy like...

Practice Makes Somewhat OK For Fledgling Guitarists

We practiced, we practiced, we practiced! Yay! They let me hold a guitar again (thanks, Acel! ;) So we had four guitars last night and a bit more noise. I was only doing clean tones but I guess the noise part came from my flubbed chords, teehee. But it was so much fun. Allan taught me his super special secret chords (hehe, exagg, pare) and we did a crash course on candy rhythm guitar. Ralph said it added another dimension to our playing. Ayn said I was strumming on the fret area too much. Roel didn't say anything. Allan said I should practice. And I will, I promise, except that I hope someone lends me a guitar so I can get used to the weight and the level of it relative to my arms and other stuff like that. Damn, it was fun.

They went out for a yosi break and I stayed inside to play some stuff from Radiohead (hi, thom ;* hehe). Nag-drums pa nga si Ralph sa "Black Star". I started doing my crude version of "Just" and they all came in again and started jamming with me. It sounded pretty authentic, the way everyone was doing it, and we didn't even have a tab at hand or anything. I'll probably get one on the net just to get chords so (hopefully) we can play it someday. I love that song just because it's so loud and ear-splitting.

After candy, pillow practiced for a while. John Paul was feeling under the weather, so they cut it short. We then decided to go to Pares because we were so hungry. Allan and Ralph started talking about our next recording sessions and maybe making it a full album instead of an EP. They were throwing back and forth ideas on money matters and logistics and it was very exciting because this just may be the real thing. Let's all cross our fingers for that.

Then, Ayn brought us all home. Thanks, Ayn!

Tonight, we'll be at 70's Bistro to front for Parokya ni Edgar. Yehey. Tugtog na naman.

If I Ever Had a Line to Heaven, I Swear... I'd Call My Dead Father Up...

... and ask him why he left our family full of debts. It's Paco Arespacochaga. It really is. If you notice, his name links to his website. Oh my god, that is so weird. Nobody else cares, but I just find it funny.

Anyway, Buzz Night is on October 25, 2003. Try to make it! It'll be fun.

Alma Mater Dear

By chance, nakausap ko si Allan about his Pisay Backbeat gig and he had something very interesting to say. Seven people actually approached him asking for candyaudioline cds. Woah. That’s a lot, for a school that has such a small population. And MY school at that! I was so amazed that they actually knew we existed, Pisay usually being an insular kind of place (but only because of its strict curfews). Ralph is from Pisay, too, although he hails from the Mindanao campus.

Allan had wondered how they got to listen to our stuff. Some of them told him that they knew someone from Valenzuela who had copies of our songs, but for some reason, he was having difficulty sharing them with others. They wanted their own copies. Allan told them he didn’t have any at the time, but that they could come to Buzz Night (Mayric’s on the 25th!), and maybe he could give them some there. They regretfully replied that the school never let them out that late at night (they must be dormers). Well, we’ll see if we can find a way to make the songs more available online, somehow.

I used to be a dormer, as well. Why don’t they just get a group together that can sleep over at an extern’s house Saturday night, so they can pass by Buzz Night. My friends and I use to do that all the time in high school. Weekends, the school can’t really exercise as much control because dormers are allowed to “go home”. At least, that was how I remembered it. I hope the school doesn’t have a chokehold on you guys there.

I just want to say that I’m proud that the students of Pisay these days are intelligent enough to listen to good music. When I heard about these students, I almost wanted to sing, “Thy light our beacon beeeeeee… In our path through the world, in our fight for the right, in pursuit of a glorious theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…” hehehe. Pero Tagalog na yata yung mga kinakanta niyo ngayon. Anyway, look through the old yearbooks in the library and you’ll know what I’m talking about hehhehe.

For the record, I’d just like to confess that I’ve always had a crush on Sir EJ Baranda, my Research teacher in high school. I actually had a plan of approaching him after graduation ceremony and presenting him with an apple and a bag of our Honorably Mentioned anti-alcohol craving Kudzu candy. I wanted to erase from his mind the memory of our cannibalistic lab mice (*shudder*) and let bygones be bygones. Of course, I never gathered the guts to do all this so I just beamed at him from under my cap and toga and said “Goodbye”. (Hi, Sir EJ! ;*)

Paranoid Android

The last entry was in reaction to Allan's ghost post that was inadvertently deleted by yours truly. Don't worry, he says he'll post it again for all of you, though I can't guarantee its palatability... might be too acidic for some people, or perhaps he'll neutralize it a bit. I wouldn't know... that's totally up to him.

It concerned his thoughts about the music scene and attitudes of people in it. He wanted to leave them all behind. Ayn and I thought that he meant even us at candyaudioline, but he assured us that that was never going to happen and that we were the noah's ark. Haha. Yehey. Paranoid androids (hi, thom yorke! ;*) Incidentally, that character is from that series of novels "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".

Ayn, Allan and I were together last night. There was a Kamikazee gig at Millennia and Roel was there, too, but we opted to hang out somewhere else for a while where some of our friends were having drinks. We saw Ramon Zialcita, who greeted Allan, and Ayn was swooning. She really was. He looks really good when he's sober.

We went to Millennia then and saw all our friendster pals from Kamikazee hehehe. Hindi pa nga ako ina-add nina Jomal eh. Boo. Well, they promised us they would very soon.

So Charles, Mia, Michelle, Allan, Ayn and I decided to get some grub and we went, for a change, to this Bulaluhan Charles knew. Most of us had Bulalo, which was yummy in the early cold of the morning, and some had liempo. As usual, Charles and Allan were bantering and cracking us all up in the process. Charles told us the story of that restaurant, how one woman stayed in the bathroom for an hour and then she left and the toilet was clogged-- then the proprietors found a dead fetus in it.

Bulalo. Yum.

I hope you are not leaving us.

We’ll Always Be Together in [Electric] Dreams

Go figure about the title. It’s not connected to the main topic I wish to discuss in this entry. It’s connected to a personal problem I’m currently having that I mentioned to Allan and Charles and John Paul last night and they’ve been trying to figure it out. Let this serve as a clue and an assurance that, despite it being “an exercise in futility”, I have found some comfort in those words above and that I have accepted the circumstances surrounding my problem. You can all rest easy, now :)

So we played last night at Millennia. There were only three bands that night: us, soft pillow kisses and superminty. Only a few friends passed by; Ralph commented that it was “An Empty House Part 2”, but we don’t really mind when that happens. It’s actually more fun sometimes when it’s just us :)

I fooled around with Allan’s guitar during the soundcheck and that gave him the idea of letting me play it for a few songs. I was excited but iffy about it. I didn’t know how to use an electric guitar nor the gadget. He let me play “Don’t Go Away”, “Flaming Walls” and “An Empty You”. I kept flubbing the chords because I was too excited haha and I couldn’t time pressing my foot on the pedal—I think I almost broke Allan’s effects hehehe. Anyway, despite the mishaps, it was extremely fun to play the guitar on stage. Roel told me afterwards that everyone was amused at that impromptu performance. The guys might even teach me to play the electric guitar and maybe I can sub for Allan when he can’t make it to gigs.

I also sang for Pillow because Louie couldn’t make it that night. We played well. Superminty did, too.

We were all raring to repeat the Klub 102 experience so we went there at around 1 am to drink. We had a few friends tagging along. It was really fun.

Indie Jeff and I had a talk for the first time. He sees through my words. I think everyone does, but he was the first one to tell me so. He said that the way I’m so honest about everything I feel in this blog shows my insecurities. He encouraged me not to feel so vulnerable to what people say or think. Sabi niya, wag daw akong mahiya sa ibang tao sa scene, kasi “scene NATIN ‘to!” He said, “Sa genre natin, tulungan tayo.” I clarified that I was never envious of how other bands in the scene are able to draw crowds more than candy can, though; I’m actually really happy that they can because their appeal helps keep the genre alive. I don’t begrudge them that… but I did admit that I am insecure, although I had always been like that even before being part of the indie scene. Actually, I understand what he was trying to say: hang-ups are never really necessary and we don’t have to show everything. Isn’t indie also being brief and understated sometimes? He was just concerned that I was so skittish about things at Buzz Night; he assured me that I don’t have to worry too much. I appreciated his encouragement. I thanked him and even hugged him about 5 times, though part of that was probably because of the alcohol in my brain hehehe.

I told Allan about my talk with Jefkid and he said this whole genre and the people in it were also created because of their insecurities, so I shouldn’t be too worried. That made sense, too. It reminded me of my first response to albertaspaghetti’s first query on indie. And I also remember what Allan said that defending the genre also contributes to its longevity.

So there’s always that question again: how are you supposed to manifest INDIE? I think it’s more personal. What does the music mean for you? All of us in the scene love the same music. We should all enjoy it as much as we can and in any and every way we like. Personally, being insecure is a large part of my personality, and though it’s not a very attractive trait, it still manifests in the things I say, do or, in this case, write. But I’ll try not to be too anal anymore. Thanks, jeff :)

Where's Joseph?

Minor correction: Joseph is not a goth boi, he's a chameleon. And that's a compliment mind you. People who know him will agree with me. He's been around since time immemorial and has played an active part in new wave, goth, hardcore, punk, ska, etc events.

During gigs, one can actually play a "where's Joseph?" game. Parang "Where's Waldo" yan si Joseph eh. Hehe. Dalawa lang ang puedeng get-up ni Joseph: (1) pag hardcore gig, hardcore talaga or pag indie gig, indie talaga, or (2) he'll wear something that would make him stand out like the worst sore thumb one has ever seen (yung nag bathing suit sha sa hardcore gig at yung nag statue of liberty at nag raggedy anne sha sa goth gigs).

First time ko sha nakita sporting his Bauhaus shirt nung isang goth gig sa Music Museum nung early 2001. Nung nagpunta lahat ng tao sa Big Sky after the gig, sa kanya ko pinanakaw yung picture ng Colour Contest na nakadikit sa wall (Documento). Oops, so alam na nila Ernest ngayon kung sino kumuha ng nawawalang picture nun.

He likes Candyaudioline at sayang wala pa si Selena nung minsan nasa Buzz nite sha at sumasayaw sa harap during candy's set. Sabay nung Mindrape na ang tumugtog dun sha bigla pumwesto sa tabi ng mga hatak ng Mindrape.

Goth mode si Joseph nung first time sha makita ni Selena. That was at Club Sex nung tumugtog tayo for Skies of Ember's album launching.

Siempre, you can't expect him to be at Sunday Grabe or other gigs na pang mainstream/radio-friendly bands. He's more of an underground (?) person except maybe pag may gig na kahit NU-related eh for a cause naman like nung Alternativity 2001 where we played. Sabi niya nag donate daw sha ng de lata in exchange for the tickets at sayang naman kung di pa sha manuod. Pag ganitong klaseng gigs, he wouldn't bother to dress up anymore.

If you want to see the Joseph that people have come to love (or otherwise), dun kayo magpunta sa mga new wave, indie, goth, at punk na gigs magpunta. He's one person who can actually tell which event ang worthy na puntahan. And he knows which gig ang talagang indie. (oops, naghukay ng issue na naman.) He he he.

Hindi minamaliit si Joseph. Sha mismo alam niya kung sino ang mga dapat lang niyang kilalanin. Kung hindi ka kilala ni Joseph, sorry ka nalang. Har har har.

I'm waiting for the day na may taong gagawa ng website about him.

I’ve Been Mistaken for Dead… But Not Tonight

I went to Ayn’s house early last night because Allan, Ayn and I had planned to meet up later to drink and be together and celebrate the advent of one of Ayn’s “visitors”. Tristia was at home and she looked a lot bigger than she was the last time I saw her. She had several teeth showing already; I thought she was going to bite me with them when I saw her, but she treated me like an old friend, and I was so honored. We played with tissue paper and a little plastic basketball. Ayn took some pictures of us, too. I can’t believe how fast she’s growing. She’s a little miracle. Each time I see her, she looks more and more like her mother.

I was still tired from the night before, but I liked being with my band mates again. I showed Ayn the videos Allan let me copy and we were laughing a little at some of the selections. We couldn’t believe Allan had videos of Ministry and Agnostic Front and Killing Joke, but that just goes to show that he’s not as narrow-minded as people think him to be. Only a little, haha. Allan texted us that he was already in Manila, having just come from a Lucena trip with Moonstar 88. We were to meet him at Mang Sam’s where Superminty was practicing.

We arrived there and found only Charles, John Paul and Allan M. Allan Drummer was apparently at the hospital because of an emergency with his father, so practice was actually cancelled. We then decided to go to Klub 102 in Makati, probably because Allan had seen it on our way to Intramuros the night before. Since we were heading to a New Wave place, Ayn played her New Wave Classics cd on the car stereo. Having bought the same tape in high school, I began singing to some of the songs along the way. I remembered high school again. Allan liked the Depeche Mode songs. Charles laughed at Erasure. Teehee.

Klub 102 was ok. That goth guy Joseph was there, the one I remember from my first gig with candy, the guy who let me smell these flowers he was holding.

We drank a lot at Klub 102. John Paul let me have a few puffs from his cigarette, just for fun. I got so drunk, but as usual I was just makulit. We talked about elephant penises and body proportions. We had a lot of fun. The music was really good and I could tell Allan was really enjoying it. He even danced a little! He’ll probably deny that. He did, though. John Paul was dancing. I was itching to dance, too, but only because I couldn’t resist the music. New Wave really is an unbelievably timeless genre. I stayed in my seat, though, thank god. Ayn was pretty calm… I don’t think she got drunk, but I think she was enjoying too. Charles kept looking at the couple seated behind us because they were getting it on.

When I went to the bathroom, I noticed a sign on the wall that said the club was offering steamed, hot face towels for 20 pesos each. I wondered what the hell they were for. I made John Paul (or was it Charles? I can’t remember!) ask the waiter, and he replied that they were for drunk people to revive themselves with. I wasn’t too sure about that. I saw an arrow pointing up the stairs. It wasn’t parallel to the stairs; the angle was such that if you made them both continuous, they would intersect at a point about a foot above the top step. I obsessed about that. I kept telling Allan that my early engineering training made that offensive for me. He argued that the arrow’s function was just to tell people that something was upstairs and that drunks wouldn’t really be able to tell the difference. Okay. I can respect a functional analysis anytime. But for some reason, it bothered me, and I kept bringing it up every 10 minutes or so. I’m just glad Allan didn’t punch me in the face for being so annoying, hehehe… unlike SOMEONE with us who mock-threatened to do so! Humph.

The ride to our next stop was sort of a blur for me. I suddenly realized we were at David’s Tea House on Timog. I remember asking Allan before we left Klub 102 where he was taking us and he said, “David’s.”

“Salon??? Weird…”

I made him take me to the bathroom because I really needed to pee. After I peed, I felt so dizzy that I had to lean against the wall of the stall. I couldn’t move for 20 seconds, and I just stared at the ceiling and willed myself not to faint. I dragged myself out and washed my face. That made me feel slightly better. I went outside and Allan guided me upstairs to our table. We saw Cookie Chua at the next table and she and Allan greeted each other. Recognizing her, I tried to give her my brightest smile and said, “Hello!” She smiled nervously and said hi, too. Then we sat down.

I was feeling really queasy by the time our iced teas arrived, but sipping mine revived me enough to be able to eat and pester Allan about that crooked arrow sign. He sipped his iced tea and said it was sweet. I told him, “No, it’s not! It’s just right. Besides, all you have to do is crush the lemons.” I then took my straw and started crushing the lemon slices in his iced tea, singing “Crush the leh-mons… crush the leh-mons” a la that “Crush the Flowers” song. Weird!!!

I kept telling the guys, “You know what, I said hi to Cookie Chuya.” They cracked up every time I said that. I couldn’t get it right because my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.

So we ate, and they were all saying the food was good. “You know what, Allan; you’ve always been telling us how good the food is here and that we should get to experience the place. One day, when we drive past this restaurant, I won’t really be able to say that I know what this place is like because I couldn’t taste anything except for the iced tea. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m drunk.” I took another puff, this time from Ayn’s cig, and then my drunkenness doubled and I thought I was going to pass out on the table. Fortunately, we all got up to leave just then. Allan guided me downstairs again. I told him I was afraid I wouldn’t make it to my front door and I actually suggested to Ayn that she let me sleep at her place. He said he’d bring me to my door.

And he did, and I didn’t pass out. They all went home. I even made it to my own bed, and it felt so good to finally rest.

I woke up this morning feeling shitty. I was ashamed of some of the things I had said last night, even if I was fully conscious of having said them. I know how annoyingly makulit I can get when I’m drunk and I was aware that I was that way with them last night. I apologized to Allan through text, but he told me he really enjoyed our inuman. And I realized, I did, too—A LOT. It was great being with Ayn and Allan and the Manyak Boys again. They’re really some of the best people I know in the world. I remember having vowed never to drink in front of them again after the previous In BeTWEEn Days, but now I know they really are people in whose company I can be myself, even when unabashedly drunk.