Okay

It’s a pity that that last post was written before I was able to post my thoughts on the matter.

I remember the last time we talked like this (the one about Ayn’s issues na, understandably, meron pa siya hanggang ngayon), sabi ko, mas maigi na tayu-tayo na lang ang magusap. Pero tingin ko, mali ako nun. Tama lang naman pala na dito tayo sa blog magsalita. Tutal, para satin talaga to, and it seems to be the only venue where we can meet these days.

Marami pa sana akong sasabihin na nawala na sa isip ko nung nabasa ko yung huling post ni Ralph. Oo nga. Like Ayn said, hindi na kasi tayo nakakapag-usap kaya tayo nagkakaganito.

I’m sorry to hear that a lot of bad luck has happened to you recently, Ralph. I’m not patronizing you; I’m being sincere. They were the worst circumstances, and it certainly seems unfair for us (and I use this term “us” loosely… whoever feels the same way I do is included when I say this— I speak for no one else) to demand a lot from you at this time.

However, I think our frustration and consequent reactions to your not coming to Buzz Night and your “disappearance” were valid. They’re logical reactions of disappointed people. Oo, inaamin ko na naasar ako na hindi ka pumunta sa Buzz Night at hindi ka na nagre-reply.

Syempre, kung alam namin na wala kang phone, we wouldn’t have presumed (in all our different ways) so harshly. Pero hindi namin alam. Tinatawagan ka namin. Tinetext. Wala. Hinintay ko naman na magparamdam ka sa kahit anong paraan (email, landline, ibang phone, etc.) bago ako magpost tungkol sa Buzz Night. Alam kong may pamilya kang inaalagaan. Hindi namin yan kinalimutan, ever. Pero, as your friend and bandmate, I was expecting that you would at least think to let us know why you didn’t come to a gig we had agreed upon weeks before. Ngayon, alam ko nang hindi ka pinayagang gawin yun ng sitwasyon mo.

Wala akong control sa mga sinabi ni Allan na naka-offend sayo. Malamang ay na-offend din siya (at ako na rin) sa inakala naming pagkawala mo. These were brought about by ignorance of your situation. Si Allan, matagal niyo nang kilala. Alam niyong mahilig siyang “tumalon sa konklusyon”.

But what else did we have to go on except for our own conlusions? Napaka-freak accident ng nangyari sayo. Halos isang buwan tayo di nagkita o nag-usap. Paano kami dadaan sa bahay niyo ng ganyan-ganyan lang? And if that’s your gauge for familiarity, how come you guys don’t come to my house (except for Ayn)? I know that’s a petty thing to say, but this just goes to show how unlikely it is to suddenly be able to get together and make an excursion to your place to see if you were alive. Putcha. E di kung alam namin na kelangan ka pa palang check-upan kung buhay ka pa, matagal na kami pumunta diyan. Baka tinulungan ka pa naming mag-ayos ng bahay o kung ano man ang kelangang gawin after such an event. Pero hindi namin alam.

Sorry, Ralph, na ang daming nangyari sayo na hindi mo nakayanan. Nanghihinayang din ako na sumobra ang lack of communication natin at umabot ng ganito to. Dumagdag pa sa mga problema mo ang problema ng banda. But I feel most sorry that you weren’t able to communicate your misfortunes to us and that we never had the chance to sympathize with you.

Personally, I reacted as a band member whose guitarist disappointed her, not knowing the reasons behind it. And, although I can’t speak for the others, I feel they only did the same. It was Allan’s choice to say what he said and mean what he meant. But there was no way we could have guessed what happened to you, Ralph, without you saying anything about it.

Yun nga lang, mukhang nagdesisyon ka na. Di ko din alam kung babalik ka pa sa blog na to para basahin to. Irerespeto ko na lang kung ano man ang gawin mo. As I said before, we’re in this band because we choose to be in it. No matter how disgusted we are about the way things are handled in it, no matter how much we gripe, we only have two options: either do something about it or leave. For now, I’m opting to stay.

Lahat kami “nag-aksaya” ng panahon, ng pera at nagtrabaho sa bandang ito. Good luck din.

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Mamaya, magpopost ako kung ano yung expectations ko sa band. Pero sana, makapag-usap tayong mga matitira or kung sinong gustong makipagpulong.