thank you

maraming salamat :)

sayang di ako nakapost kahapon kasi ang daming trabaho. pero tuwang tuwa ako sa mga post niyo. ang dami ko pa sanang sasabihin kaya lang, nakalimutan ko na rin. next time na lang.

pero para matuwa naman tayo today, alalahanin natin ang mga kaganapan sa text kahapon:

6:00 pm, Backbeat Office:

Selena: (To Ayn) tingin k s inquirer 2day, entrtnment section. nandun ung pangalan ng banda natin sa "behind successful bands..." hehe.
Ayn: ha? Teka.
- Ah nakita ko na. Ung parokya.
- (To Allan) Manager pala natin si [name witheld]. Hekhekhek.
Allan: Napaka sinister ng hehehe mo ah.
Ayn: Kse that means that I have the right to bring a framed picture of kendi to ur ofc and hang it there. Didikitan ko naring blank cd para mukang award sa malayo.
Allan: Gawin mong pink disc signifying virtually milyons of units given away.
Ayn: Maghahanap ako. Pag napa frame ko na, isasabit ko sa gate nyo. Ay teka, ano mailing address nyo. I-LBC ko. Para surprise.
Allan: 195 [address witheld].
Ayn: (To Selena) Pagtapos na exam ko magpapadala ako ng package sa ATING MANAGER :)
Selena: hehe :) panalo ka ayn!

+++

uy. ayn, punta ka sa bahay namin later kung wala kang ginagawa. wala akong handa pero baka mag-beer lang ng konti sa rooftop. see ya guys.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SELENA!!!

I LOVE YOU!!! yeeee heeeee

remembering (this feeling) summer

elo everyone!

summer's here and the heat is on... everyone's thinking about going to the beach or some other remote places in the country where the climate is cood like Antipolo, Baguio, Tagaytagay or SM Megamall... while others are set on making good use of the season for stress management, i on the other hand is faced with dilemna of weight management. oo aamainin ko na conscious ako about the way i look...

eto atin-atin lang ha... (",) nung 14 years old ako, ako ang William Martinez ng tropa (kasi ako yung pinaka matanda). nung mga 17 na ako, tawag sa akin Keempee, ewan ko ba... samantala yung mga kalaro ko naman sa basketball eh "D' Captain" and tawag sa akin. d ko alam kung kamukha ko si Patrimoño pero d hamak naman na mas magaling ako dun. Lagi nga akong nagpapagawa ng jersie ng Pistons #10 (Isiah Thomas) kasi ganun ako maglaro... nung mga 21- 24 na ako John Regala naman ang tawag sa akin. one time nga, bumili ako ng softdrink sa tapat ng bahay ng tutee ko bigla nalang may maraming tao sa likod ko at may isang dalagang lumapit sa akin at inabutan ako ng pentel at papel. akala ko magpapa-tutor, yun pala humihingi ng autograph. sabi ko "bakit?". Anyun nag-tampo... sabi pa nya "ang yabang mo pala John Regala!" d ka naman sikat ah! napahiya pa tuloy ako... kahit paulit ulit kong sabihin na hinda ako si john regala eh ayaw maniwala... hay naku! those were the good old days...

Ngayon, kung di Uncle Fester o Majinbuu eh Salbakuta naman... may mas bago pa nga eh... "Jopay" daw... Nung huling rakista sa marikina, may nagpa-sign pa ng autograph. Ako naman si gago eh pirma naman... Nilagay ko pa "CandyaudioAllan". tapos nagpasalamat yung guy at tinanong ako kung saan pa yung mga tugtog ng Mayonnaise. Ayuzzz. napangiti nalang me...

anak ng fotah!!! pag pumayat ako... huwag na huwag nila ako matawag-tawag na Vruce Dillis kundi, kukurutin ko sila sa zingit...

Pahabol...

to Selena and Ayn... nanunood din ako ng National Geogrphic pero nas gusto ko Cinema One...

to ayn... Sunsetdrive lang naman ah and besides hindi si Speedy Gonzales or Bugs Bunny ang singer nila...

to Selena... ako din naman ah... nasira lang kasi itong monitor kaya di ako nakapag-post... Short Time Big Time!!!

my opinion on last buzz night...

The Sandcastles - Do you need my help?
Matilda - I liked the first song pero the rest... not my cup of coke... sorry
Bagetsafonik - Kung Pwede ko lang kayong bilhin para exclusive na kayo sa The Buzz nites...
Candyaudioline - Dalawa na ang kalbo dun...
Sunsetdrive - i'm very glad the bumalik na yung dating tunog nyo...
Populardays - Sumingit na nga sa tether tapos ganun lang yung set... disappointed ako... Senela's
right, mas maganda yung mga songs nyo sa kinocover ninyo. sa back to the edge
nyo nalang gawin yung ganun...
Tether - alam na ng lahat na magagaling na kayo pero d pa nila alam na malalakas kayong
kumain at mas manyak pa kaysa Populardays.
Superminty - practice pa tayoh ha!!!
My Science Project - Kailangan nyo talaga ng tulong ko... Problem number 1... yung singer nyo!
kung may practice ng kayo, isama nyo ako at aayusin ko yang ga kanta nyo...
buti nalang magaling yung keyboardist nyo.

to the people who grazed Buzz Night last Holy Wednesday, THANK YOU very much...

the next buzz night is on the 23rd of april...

Reformed Couch Potato

Wow, we're both online, Selena. This is like chatting but on suspended animation--err, or something. He he. Anyway, just figured that I'd post again while I transfer all the contents of my old e-mail to the new one.

Re-TV shows... I haven't been regularly watching any TV show lately since America's Next Top Model's first and second season ended. Also, Destiny doesn't have Star Channel anymore so I have no clue if The Hunger is still showing here. Which reminds me: if anybody here knows of a DVD that has all the episodes of TH (original or pirated), please let me know where I can get it. I can never get enough of David Bowie. *drools* Maybe I should drop by Recto one of these days.

Going back... whenever I do get to have the time to switch on the telly (naka naman, so brit pare), I usually end up watching the news or Discovery Channel until I fall asleep. I'm starting to develop some strange fascination towards cooking shows. DC has new ones. He he. Oh, I do remember watching a lot of 6 Feet Under towards the end of last year. It's my mom's favorite TV series. I oftentimes find her glued on the screen with that show on. Since I spend some of my time with her inside the "Old Rose room" here, I later on started liking it as well. Mom says that the new season will start tonight so maybe I'm about to have something to look forward to on TV real soon.

In the meantime... I'm done with the e-mail. I should be doing something else now. He he. Don't forget our plans about hitting the beach this coming summer. My hell week will end on the 13th or earlier.

Tudelu!

quick reaction

first of all, hooray for another voice besides mine! :) thanks, ayn, though i understand your busy state and why you can't post so much. also, it's true... you don't stay long enough at buzz nights to be able to give sufficient reviews. but--- who gives a crap about "sufficient"? hehehe. you can say what you want. you were still there, so give us the scraps, if you have them to give away.

i found that "kingdom of the blind" quote funny. so i'm the one-eyed king... haha! mwahaha. i don't know... i just resonated with the figure for a second.

moving on, my favorite show these days is Seinfeld. God bless ETC for bringing it to the Philippines. And I can even have a whole other hour of it on Mondays because of the Series channel on Destiny cable. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! The characters are quirky, but strangely, weirdly real (yeah, that's oxymoronic... so what? you'll only know what i'm talking about, if you watch it). You know how other sitcoms feel like the characters are thinking, "Ooh, wow... I'm being funny! I'm on a sitcom!" Well, Seinfeld doesn't feel like that. It's almost as if the characters are truly embarrassed they're in a sitcom, even if they're unbelievably guffaw-out-loud, knee-slappingly funny. they're so real, you could be hanging out with them at this very moment.

hmm...

anyway, i can't wait to start enjoying again. *fiendish rubbing of palms*

"In the Kingdom of the Blind...

...the One-Eyed are Kings." - Dead Can Dance*

Yeah--I've noticed too that it's only Selena who's been posting a lot lately. And yes, I also agree that things do get boring when there are no controversies. He he. But I never really changed that much about posting. I'm hardly the type who would give a rat's ass. It's hard to feel compelled to withhold information for as long as the pain is tolerable, really. The thing is, I don't get to stay too long during Buzznite's (and other gigs) and I haven't had much time for posting here. Hopefully I'll become more active this summer.

My thoughts on last Buzznite? I still don't get it why Buzznite has to turn into an emo-night every month. I mean, once in a while is okay, but every month has been too much for me to swallow.

I got a new e-mail add: falseprophetess@gmail.com

Darksites is about to shut down.

----

* the title has nothing to do with this post. --well actually, it depends on who's reading.

“When I am king, you will be first against the wall…

…with your opinion, which is of no consequence at all.” ------ radiohead


That can apply both ways, can’t it, especially to this blog? For one thing, I don’t write about anything especially worthwhile or funny or enlightening. Most of the time, I just rattle off stuff the band did or what’s happened to us. The above can also apply to whoever has anything to say regarding what’s written here… sure, you’ll be heard, but it ultimately won’t mean much. We’re a self-absorbed bunch (both as a band and individually—and that means anyone who’s ever been associated with candyaudioline. Yeah, you are. Admit it.).

But, to split hairs, the first part of the epigram is what matters, really. It’s come to signify the ups and downs of my view of communication. Thank you, Candyblog. Your existence has caused me to grow as a thinking and communicating being. Let me just recap: When this blog started, I felt like saying anything and everything that came to mind, seldom thinking about what everyone else thought (I think it was because I thought no one read this anyway). Then the fiasco happened and I realized one could be crucified for any little misstep and so I adjusted. Then I thought, ok, why not just stick to the facts? Unfortunately, it can get very boring that way. Also, I’m practically the only one keeping this blog alive these days. (Hmmm… I know I’ve said all this before, but repetition is yummy, especially if you delude yourself into thinking you’re right hehe).

If there’s one thing I miss about the blog controversies, it’s the way everyone starts speaking up. I get tired of “listening” to myself.

So, by default, I decree that I can say anything I want here. If I feel it’s relevant, I write it. If I don’t, but I want to anyway, I write it. Screw the naysayers.

And so, here goes my review of March Buzz Night:

The show started on time. The Suncastle played first. They’re actually the former Staring Season. They played ok, but I was hoping they’d sound better this time around. Some of their songs sound very popish and not very different from what I hear on the radio. Not really something I’d look for at a Buzz Night. Matilda played next. I just liked their last song. Then came Bagetsafonik. I’m really starting to be a fan. They’re probably one of the few bands I really enjoyed that night, aside from Tether, who gave an equally amazing set. Popular Days was ok, but I really think that their originals are better than their covers. I think if they had played more of the former, they would have gotten past their minor Ian’s-not-here disability. Great songs sound great, whether or not you’re playing a full setup. Superminty was fun, but I can’t really tell if it was good just because I can’t be objective. Ask someone who was there. Same goes for Candyaudioline, which played well despite a new guitarist. My Science Project played last. Sorry guys, you’ll have to come earlier next time. It was too bad because they sounded really balanced that night. Sunsetdrive also recovered well despite the loss of one member. I’m not really an emo kinda person, but Allan says you guys are good.

On a side note, Allan said he’ll probably not let me handle Buzz Night anymore because I get so worked up hehehe. I’m really glad. He wants me to take a very minor backgroundish role… I think that’s good because I miss those days when I used to not care and everything still seemed to go well, and besides, I’m not having fun anymore. I’ll probably just show up right before we’re on or something like that. Wipee.

And that was my Buzz Night post. ‘Til next time.

kaye ryan

we had a gig last wednesday at kaye ryan on shaw blvd.

earlier, i met ayn at paseo center and we hung out 'til around 6:30, when we went to mich's store on shaw. after that, we went to kaye ryan (but got lost first).

popdays played a great set. the sound system needed a lot of tweaking (think it was meant for acoustic stuff, really), but they still amazed me.

then we played. it was great, except for some problems with the balance of the sounds. it seemed that, if we cranked it up on one element, the other would have to be drowned out. weird. nevertheless, it was good.

some friends came. ekong gave us a couple copies of the poster for buzz night. tether also played that night.

outside, we talked. some things were straightened out, which will allow for a smoother run of the band.

+++

friends and well-wishers, thanks. your concern is appreciated. there is no need to go overboard.

On Holy Wednesday...

Matilda will also be playing that night.

sorry, i wasn't able to get that info to ekong in time for the poster.

Parang Tide Laundry Soap

ako, ako, ako, lagi nalang ako...

this is my final post about this matter which i am beginning to find quite annoying...

overview: allan post in "annoying" fashion hoping to get ralph's attention and at the same time let other people know what has been happenning with us lately... ralph reads post, got pissed, writes about the string of unfortunate events that happened to him during the past months that led to his unavailabitily, decides to quit because he lost "gana" with the band.

after reading his first post, ayn reacted followed by me...

ralph posts again quitting for good... selena also posted but did not make it in time... hehehe

after reading all the posts made regarding this matter, it seems that your's truly is the one who made the biggest fuck-up as far as the issue is concerned... okey! fine...

if i was in the same situation as ralph was, would i have done the same thing? probably not? sure i'll be very annoyed while stating my case then i'll demand an explanation and a confirmation regarding the issue... if i'm not convinced, then i'll take action... kaya lang di lahat ng tao ganun mag-isip therefore, i can't do anything about it anymore...

ralph, binasa mo ba yung post ko? isang item lang yung sinagot mo and sorry to say, i'm not convinced. okey, nawala cell phone mo, gabundok ang trabaho mo, hassle sa bahay nyo. may anak kang inaalagaan pero may effort ka bang ginawa para ipaalam sa amin ang situation mo?
huwag mo isisi sa amin ang di namin pagbisita sa inyo. wala kaming idea sa situation mo. ang nasa isip ko nung mga times na yan ay sobrang loaded ka sa work mo at ayaw mo siguro pa istorbo. ganyan ka naman eh, kahit nung may cellphone ka pag ayaw mo paistorbo d ka talaga sasagot sa text... ano iisipin namin. d lang ako magaling mag-express ng sarili ko in writing pero marami pang items akong gusto i point-out pero huwag na. waste of time lang...
what about yung issue regarding dun sa kaming tatlo lang ni ayn at selena yung candy?

a decision was made and for now it ends there. hopefully, sana magbago pero kung hindi okey lang...

oo nga pala, you don't have to apologize about choosing your career and family above candyaudioline... may kanya-kanya tayong priorities na dapat unahin. ang existence ng banda na ito will always depend on a band-member's availability... kaya nga ako kumukuha ng mga sessionist para kahit wala o d kaya ng kahit sino sa atin eh gumagana pa rin ito.

at isa pa... huwag na nga lang, di bali na...

Okay

It’s a pity that that last post was written before I was able to post my thoughts on the matter.

I remember the last time we talked like this (the one about Ayn’s issues na, understandably, meron pa siya hanggang ngayon), sabi ko, mas maigi na tayu-tayo na lang ang magusap. Pero tingin ko, mali ako nun. Tama lang naman pala na dito tayo sa blog magsalita. Tutal, para satin talaga to, and it seems to be the only venue where we can meet these days.

Marami pa sana akong sasabihin na nawala na sa isip ko nung nabasa ko yung huling post ni Ralph. Oo nga. Like Ayn said, hindi na kasi tayo nakakapag-usap kaya tayo nagkakaganito.

I’m sorry to hear that a lot of bad luck has happened to you recently, Ralph. I’m not patronizing you; I’m being sincere. They were the worst circumstances, and it certainly seems unfair for us (and I use this term “us” loosely… whoever feels the same way I do is included when I say this— I speak for no one else) to demand a lot from you at this time.

However, I think our frustration and consequent reactions to your not coming to Buzz Night and your “disappearance” were valid. They’re logical reactions of disappointed people. Oo, inaamin ko na naasar ako na hindi ka pumunta sa Buzz Night at hindi ka na nagre-reply.

Syempre, kung alam namin na wala kang phone, we wouldn’t have presumed (in all our different ways) so harshly. Pero hindi namin alam. Tinatawagan ka namin. Tinetext. Wala. Hinintay ko naman na magparamdam ka sa kahit anong paraan (email, landline, ibang phone, etc.) bago ako magpost tungkol sa Buzz Night. Alam kong may pamilya kang inaalagaan. Hindi namin yan kinalimutan, ever. Pero, as your friend and bandmate, I was expecting that you would at least think to let us know why you didn’t come to a gig we had agreed upon weeks before. Ngayon, alam ko nang hindi ka pinayagang gawin yun ng sitwasyon mo.

Wala akong control sa mga sinabi ni Allan na naka-offend sayo. Malamang ay na-offend din siya (at ako na rin) sa inakala naming pagkawala mo. These were brought about by ignorance of your situation. Si Allan, matagal niyo nang kilala. Alam niyong mahilig siyang “tumalon sa konklusyon”.

But what else did we have to go on except for our own conlusions? Napaka-freak accident ng nangyari sayo. Halos isang buwan tayo di nagkita o nag-usap. Paano kami dadaan sa bahay niyo ng ganyan-ganyan lang? And if that’s your gauge for familiarity, how come you guys don’t come to my house (except for Ayn)? I know that’s a petty thing to say, but this just goes to show how unlikely it is to suddenly be able to get together and make an excursion to your place to see if you were alive. Putcha. E di kung alam namin na kelangan ka pa palang check-upan kung buhay ka pa, matagal na kami pumunta diyan. Baka tinulungan ka pa naming mag-ayos ng bahay o kung ano man ang kelangang gawin after such an event. Pero hindi namin alam.

Sorry, Ralph, na ang daming nangyari sayo na hindi mo nakayanan. Nanghihinayang din ako na sumobra ang lack of communication natin at umabot ng ganito to. Dumagdag pa sa mga problema mo ang problema ng banda. But I feel most sorry that you weren’t able to communicate your misfortunes to us and that we never had the chance to sympathize with you.

Personally, I reacted as a band member whose guitarist disappointed her, not knowing the reasons behind it. And, although I can’t speak for the others, I feel they only did the same. It was Allan’s choice to say what he said and mean what he meant. But there was no way we could have guessed what happened to you, Ralph, without you saying anything about it.

Yun nga lang, mukhang nagdesisyon ka na. Di ko din alam kung babalik ka pa sa blog na to para basahin to. Irerespeto ko na lang kung ano man ang gawin mo. As I said before, we’re in this band because we choose to be in it. No matter how disgusted we are about the way things are handled in it, no matter how much we gripe, we only have two options: either do something about it or leave. For now, I’m opting to stay.

Lahat kami “nag-aksaya” ng panahon, ng pera at nagtrabaho sa bandang ito. Good luck din.

+++

Mamaya, magpopost ako kung ano yung expectations ko sa band. Pero sana, makapag-usap tayong mga matitira or kung sinong gustong makipagpulong.

here is where i am

sabihin na nating "presumption" nga yun, it could have been delivered in a much more subtle, civil, and unoffensive manner. kilala nyo ako. hangga't kaya kong tumugtog, gagawin ko. kahit pa kelangan kong dalhin ang gitara ko sa opisina at makipagsiksikan sa mrt pag me tugtog ng weekdays, gagawin ko. ganyan ang ginawa ko nung huli nating tugtog. yan ang dedication ko. and then, i log in here for the first time in months kahapon at yun pa ang makikita ko?

"as for what has been happening with you lately, wala talaga kaming idea... you could've texted or posted." - i've stated my current status in my previous post, pero para malinaw: wala akong cellphone ngayon. kaming 2 ni charmaine actually, until kahapon nung nakabili na uli cya ng telepono nya. yung luma nya, naiwanan sa taxi and a week later, yung sakin nabasa. sa ngayon, nag-iipon pa ako para makabili ng bago. kahapon ko nga lang din nalaman na namatay na ang huli kong lolo, at last week pa tawag ng tawag yung parents ko sakin. and i could've posted, yes, kung di gabundok ang trabaho ko.

pero bakit kelangan ako lang ang gumawa ng effort? you could've met me halfway. gaya nga ng sinabi ko, hindi naman siguro mahirap ang dumaan sa bahay namin para mangumusta. nagawa nyo na yan dati, why not now? ano ba naman yang 10, 20 or 30 minutes of your precious time? alam kong busy din kayo. pero ako, hindi ko alam kung nasan kayo kung gustuhin ko mang makipagkita. i don't know where to start. but all of you will and should know na nasa bahay lang ako most of the time dahil me pamilya akong inaalagaan.

that could've made the difference. you could've assumed and posted here na:
a. nasa bahay lang ako at nag-aalaga ng bata, or
b. nasa bahay lang ako at gumagawa ng raket ko

instead, you assumed and posted na dahil hindi na ako nagpapakita, nawalan na ako ng interes sa banda. that, for me, was the biggest slap on my face. hindi ako mag-aaksaya ng oras, pagod at pinaghirapan kong pera ko kung mawawalan lang ako interes o tiwala sa banda. hindi ko pahihirapan ang sarili ko para gumawa ng website para sa banda, o mag-upload at mag-upload ng mga kanta natin. kung wala nga akong interes, hindi ako magpapraktis mag-isa sa bahay ng halos lahat ng kanta natin para lang sa susunod na praktis o tugtog ay kaya ko pa ring tugtugin ang mga ito.

you can question my status, but don't ever question my passion and loyalty because i always have given my 101% to candyaudioline kung musika ang pag-uusapan. pero after what i have read here yesterday, whatever passion and dedication i have for candyaudioline now seem to have faded away. i didn't even bother scrolling down further - tuluyan nang nawala ang gana ko. at tuluyan na ring nawala ang respeto ko para sa banda. things will never be same, at kahit sabihin nating bumalik ako, iba na ang perception ko sa banda.

mabuti na rin to. at least ngayon, alam ko na kung san ako lulugar. hindi ko na pipiliting isiksik pa ang sarili ko. at least hindi na ako makokonsyensya kung hindi ako makakatugtog, makapraktis o makasama sa mga gimik nyo. pasencya na lang din if my focusing on my career and family lately have been a burden at nagiging rason pa kung bakit di kayo makatugtog. mahirap na ang buhay ngayon, at kelangan kong magtrabaho dahil ako ang breadwinner ng pamilya ko. unlike kina ayn, wala kaming pamilyang matatakbuhan dito pag nagkaproblema si thor.

ang sakin lang, isipin nyo muna sana not once, not twice, but a hundred times kung ano, kung tama at kung fair to all parties concerned ba yung ilalagay nyo rito. at sana, wag na wag nyo nang gawin yan sa susunod nyong gitarista.

this will be my last communication with you. i am hanging up my guitar and am passing the responsibility to whomever you will see fit. and with this, i am relieving myself of any association with candyaudioline. good luck.

sayang nga

hi everyone!!! mukang okey na ang modem ko salamat kay charles... by the way, pinasok kami ng magnanakaw!!! na-nenok ang DVD player ko tapos iniwan pa ng gagong magnanakaw ang RCA cable at pati ang remote control... paano na ako ngayon, d ko pa napapanood yung ibang FPJ DVD's na binili ko... oh well, that's life... sana hindi na mangyari ulit... buti nalang nandito si charles at kinomfort ako...

to ralph: ayn is 75% right. i was trying to get your attention and at the same time trying to look for a replacement just in case ayaw mo na talaga tumugtog (or to put it more exactly "d ka na interesado tumugtog"). as for the issue of me claiming na "kahit kaming tatlo lang ni ayn at selena yung candy", mali yung pagkaka-intindi mo dun... ETO YUNG POST KO --- "at least kung tatlo kami nina selena at ni ayn candyaudioline na candyaudioline ang dating nun"... i was referring to the visual aspect of the band during performance meaning 3 out of the 5 original members being present... actually it was charles who suggested that. Kasi recently, until kagabi it was superminty playing as candyaudioline and i plan to continue this way until you guys (ayn included, although i guess ayn is available na for the meantime coz i saw in her blog na marami siyang gig with matilda) would be fully or at least occassionally available for gigs... as for what has been happening with you lately, wala talaga kaming idea... you could've texted or posted. just one message would be enough... at paano kami dadalaw sa inyo kung di rin namin alam ang galaw mo. kahit kami d rin masyadong nagkikta. although ayn would pass by at gigs. kami naman ni selena ay halos pagpractices lang kung magkita because she works in makati na and lagi na syang pagod...

"oo, hindi na ako nagtetext. oo, hindi na ako nagpaparamdam. pero natanong nyo ba, o naisip man lang, kung bakit?" ralph, marami nga kami naisip eh. at oo nagtanong kami, maraming beses... yung lang wala kang phone kamo, pero andun yung effort namin... kahit na nga si ruel na hanggang ngayon ay hindi siniseryosong yung suggestion ko na mag-concentrate nalang dun sa Scarlet Tears nya ay paulit ulit na nagtetext sa iyo...

"kung ganun kadali para tumalon sa isang konklusyon na wala namang pinagbabasehan e mas mabuti pa sigurong ako na lang mismo ang aalis"
never ako nag conclude, nagbakasakali lang ako. walang masama dun... ngayon nasa iyo na kung gusto mo panindigan yang desisyon mong umalis. si ruel pa lang ang tinanggal ko at medyo mabigat pa sa loob ko yun.

to ayn: thanks sa post. may silbi talaga yung pag-aaral mo ng batas...

to selena: it's your turn to rant... and about my comment on your singing last night... pasensya na... kulang lang tayo sa practice...

to the magnanakaw who broke into the house and stole my DVD player: sana maging mitsa ng buhay mo ang perang kikitain mo sa pagbebenta nyan pero kung nagawa mo yan dala ng lehitimong matinding pangangailangan, sana huwag mo nang ulitin...

to my bandmates: may gusto pa sana akong sabihin pero gutom na si charles, kain na muna kami marlets... mura na madumi pa!

Ralph..

Ayoko sana mag comment habang di pa nakaka reply si Allan but then I also don't want to pretend na hindi ko nabasa ang post ninyo and then resort to silence just to play safe. Anyway...

Ralph, yung pagkaintindi ko sa post ni Allan eh "presumption" lang niya yon since nobody from the band has any idea about what has been happening with you lately. Kaming tatlo iba iba ang inisip--wala kaming conclusion whatsoever. Don't get me wrong--I'm not trying to defend anyone. Admittedly, if I were in your place I would've felt offended too. But then again, maybe Allan was just trying to catch your attention to see if you really are still interested in playing with the band. (Iba pala pag ako ang 3rd person)

Just wanted to throw in my own thoughts on this. You know very well that I'm not a stranger to this kind of situation. I've seen worse. I also have my own "unresolved issues" but I'm opting to keep this post limited to yours. Sana lang makapag-usap tayong apat nang matino kung ano ba gusto natin lahat mangyari. Mukhang matagal narin kasi tayo hindi nakakapag usap eh.

sayang...

...ang oras at apat na taon ko.

ganun lang pala kadali yan. porke di ka na makaka-text at magparamdam e ibig sabihin nawalan ka na ng interes sa bandang pinag-aksayahan mo ng panahon at pera sa loob ng apat na taon? dahil ba hindi na banda ang pinagkaka-abalahan at inaatupag mo ay nawalan ka na ng interes na tumugtog?

oo, hindi na ako nagtetext. oo, hindi na ako nagpaparamdam. pero natanong nyo ba, o naisip man lang, kung bakit? pwes, para malaman nyo, wala na akong telepono ngayon. isang buwan na. nasira ang cellphone ko nung binaha ang bahay namin dahil naiwanang nakabukas ang gripo habang tulog kami. mahirap paniwalaan, pero nangyari yan. at para din sa inyong kaalaman, nawawalan kami ng tubig araw-araw at gabi lang bumabalik. dahil sa pag-aantay naming bumalik ang tubig nung gabing yun e naiwanan naming bukas ang gripo at madaling-araw na nang malaman namin. baha na ang bahay namin. sa awa nga ng dyos e walang nakuryente sa amin.

yan na rin ang "pinagkaka-abalahan" ko ngayon... ang mag-imbak ng tubig sa disoras ng gabi. kung mamalasin talaga at di babalik ang tubig, bababa ako at pipila sa gripo sa ilalim para me gagamitin kami kinabukasan. nakapunta na kayo sa bahay ko di ba? nasa ikatlong palapag kami. isipin nyo kung gano kahirap at nakakapagod ang magbuhat ng timba-timbang tubig paakyat sa amin. alam nyong ako lang ang lalaki sa bahay namin. mabuti sana kung sinlaki ninyo ang katawan ko.

at hindi rin na nagpapaka-importante ako, pero minsan ba e naisip nyong puntahan kami sa bahay para lang kumustahin? kung talaga ngang ka-pamilya at hindi lang ka-banda ang turing nyo sa akin e di naman siguro mahirap na dumaan kayo kahit minsan para tingnan kung buhay pa ako.

marahil ay iisipin nyo na online naman ako palagi... ba't di na lang ako magsulat dito? siguro kung hindi tambak ang trabaho ko, magagawa ko yun. kung wala akong hinahabol na mga deadline at wala akong ginawagawang tone-toneladang report araw-araw e magagawa ko yun. ngayon lang ako nagka-oras para sumilip dito, at ito pa ang makikita ko?

kung ganun kadali para tumalon sa isang konklusyon na wala namang pinagbabasehan e mas mabuti pa sigurong ako na lang mismo ang aalis. hindi ko na kayo pahihirapan pa, at hindi ko na aaksayahin ang oras nyo. tutal, sa inyo na rin mismo nanggaling yan - kayo lang ang candyaudioline.

Starting Over... Again

i haven't been on-line for a long time now. my computer died down on me so i had to buy new parts...

during the past few weeks i have been busy with reorganizing my bands... so far superminty is the only band that has a complete solid line-up with me, selena, charles, william and new drummer kel. For the past 2 weeks have already played three gigs with joel of tether filling in as bassist. candyaudioline has also been recently "repaired" and is ready to play full-set gigs any time although only two original members (me and selena) are active with ayn designated to the "pwede ka ba sa ___ tumugtog" level. Hopefully, we'll be seeing more of ayn since mukang pwede naman siya tumugtog inspite of her heavy load being a Law student... at least kung tatlo kami nina selena at ni ayn candyaudioline na candyaudioline ang dating nun. kel of superminty is also the new candy drummer. charles muna yung session guitarist until we can get a replacement for ralph who seems to lost interest in playing for candyaudioline while joel of tether yung standby bassist if ever ayn's not available... as for soft pillow kisses, i've yet to implement my plan of moving lara up to singer status and make joel play the bass... aspirin on the other hand is still solid as ever but would not see action for the meantime due to reasons only i can answer...

ang hirap talaga magbanda!!!

March 2005 Buzz Night

Buzz Night for this month is on the 23rd of March, 2005, Holy Wednesday.

Featuring:


Matilda
Candyaudioline
Popular Days
Tether
Sunset Drive
My Science Project
Shimmer
The Suncastle
Superminty
and more...

9:30 pm @ Mayric's, Espana
Tickets are P100 each with a free drink.


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Last night we practiced. Faaantastic!

Feb Buzz Night Love Log

In the spirit of February being Valentine's month:

Love Log

During this encounter with: Buzz Night
Date: 26-Feb-05

1. What did I learn about my ability to give love?
I learned that I have great ability to give love in that I did all I could to make the February Buzz Night as smooth as possible. I tried to book the bands ahead of time and I went to Mayric’s early (8:30 pm) to be ready to greet the bands as they came in. BJ of Tether was early, too, and he kept me company for a while as we chatted and I tried to do a little work from time to time.
The bands I managed to book ahead of time were Bagetsafonik, Sunset Drive, Popular Days, Sunset Drive, Staring Season, Tenderpiss and Tether. Soft Pillow Kisses and Candyaudioline were supposed to play, too, but Allan decided at the last minute not to include the former (because of uncertainties), which he replaced with Superminty, and the latter… er, I’ll talk about it later. One band that Allan booked a few days before the event was Archaster, and it was a pity we weren’t able to put him on the poster, which Ekong drew and so nicely printed out for us. That was a good poster, if a bit makeshift.
So, I think I give good love. I try my best.

2. What did I learn about my ability to receive love?
I’ve sensed, however, that I have the tendency to weigh my actions against what I might be getting in return. For instance, I come early, but I expect people to come early, too; which isn’t very realistic because bands are made up of individual members, and that makes them hard to consolidate. The bands that night came reasonably on time, though I kept biting my nails until Allan and the last band came in. So, I think I don’t receive love very well. I should be happy with what love Buzz Night has to offer me, and not expect too much. Love is unconditional, but as yet, I fail to practice this.

3. Was I able to see both of us as innocent, regardless of our actions?
Not really. As you see, I’m still beating myself up over it. Myself, Buzz Night, etc.

4. If I could do it over, what would I do differently?
For one thing, I would have relaxed more. Maybe I shouldn’t have pressured Tenderpiss to come early, since I ended up placing them at the end of the night, anyway.
I also wish that Ralph had actually come to Buzz Night and not just disappeared. I remember that February gigs had been discussed at our last practice at Alberto’s, and the dates were posted in this blog, so I see no reason why he didn’t show up that night. He may have been busy, but he hadn’t texted us so. Ayn took time out to come, but we weren’t able to play. That was disappointing.

5. If I could do it over, what would I do the same?
Bagetsafonik gave a great set. They have a full band setup now and they’ve added to their existing songs. I really enjoyed them.

Bagetsafonik

Also, Tenderpiss has improved a lot. Our last gig with them was at Freedom Bar, and they weren’t very strong there, but their Buzz Night set was more together and you could get a sense of what they were trying to do. Archaster was also good--- a bit of nostalgia from early Buzz Night days.
The Superminty set was great, too, even if we played late into the night. Kalat pa kami, pero we’re working on it.

6. How did I feel about myself when I was with this person?
All in all, it was ok. I felt nervous at first, but I relaxed at the end. It was good to see the gang again and hear good music. We ate at Kebab afterwards, and that was great, but I was so tired from lack of sleep that I went on ahead to Ayn’s van and took a nap until we all went home.


Dennis, Erick and Ayn at post-buzz Mister Kebab

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I wonder what this month is going to be like, especially since it’ll be on the eve of Holy Thursday. I’m just glad that Allan gets to take the reigns again, since he’s free that night.

abangan

aba, himala. balak ko pang mag-post tungkol sa buzz night. kaya lang, busy pa ako. so hintay na lang kayo. wala lang.