everything is wrong...

hello everyone...

sad to say this but everything's seems to be going wrong with candyaudioline right now... so wrong that i'm thinking of... you know...

the beginning of the year started out with the prospect of continuing with the band without it's main vocalist for a limited time. say like a month or so. then, because of a slight misinterpretation of an action taken by one of the people involved, a certain reaction was taken by me which resulted in the aquisition of a new vocalist. such a move signalled a better and happier future for the band... every member was in high spirits especially me because of the quality of her voice and her eagerness to sort of "fit in with the hole idea of things" - inspite of the fact the she isn't really into this stuff and it's actually her first time to "sing" in one (although she did have a band during high school)...

we had two practice sessions prior to her debut performance last jan 13. during those sessions, we practiced with one member unable to attend because of understandable reasons... the first gig of this completely new line up was an acoustic affair at conspiracy. we played without our lead guitarist but i think we did very well and quite enjoyed that one because for me, and i guess for the first time in the whole 8 years of this band, we have a "voice" which we could be very proud of... then came buzz night the next day which was really great save for the drummer's excursions into "prog-rock via new metal style drumming"... although i was a bit affected by this, the thought of having a voice that can put more life to my songs was enough to make me smile once in a while... another practice session followed in preparation for another acoustic affair - "no drums just a box". i was really excited about this one because it was with all members present plus i was to demo a new song... inspite of our drummer's tendency to "metalize" the songs inspite of my constant plead to avoid the "metalizings" of the drum patern, it still turned out really great. specially during the acoustic part of the practice and also when the new song was completely arranged... that very next day, we played a chaotic but very enjoyable acoustic set somewhere in pasig. the guitars weren't properly tuned, i had to borrow a guitar from moonstar88. there were really long gaps between song because we had to re-tune the guitars after each song. it even came to a point that i had to give excuses to the crowd like "hindi talga ganito tugtugan namin kaya lang natalo kami sa pustahan eh"... just the same. the crowd liked us, i guess... but other things were running in my head that night... i decided to let it pass and just look forward to another gig which we were to have that monday to follow. infact, i was looking forward to that gig because it meant a lot to me. the expected crowd was big,we were to debut a new song in it's full band version and most specially, we were to debut a new and far better singer than the one we had before... i spend saturday and daytime sunday in cebu looking forward to this. "d ko nga naramdaman yung euphoria sa pagkapanalo ni paquiao over morales" . i even scheduled a midnight sunday practice just to make sure that we won't fuck up... a few hours before practice, our drummer texted me that he could not make. personal reasons, i sympathise... so another praction session went with us being incomplete again although two of my pillow mates where there to help out, naging kulitan nalang talga ang pinatunguan ng practice na yun...

monday night came... gig time... the venue was really full. i was very nervous... we went on stage... played our first song "my silver chair"... forgot to give our vocalist her cue... panic... but we were able to settle down a bit but during the instrumental part of the song, disaster struck... just because of a few extra drum notes. we tried to cover up but it was so obvious!!! next song was "better view" and it was a bit faster than usual but i just let it pass. i asked our drummer if he was okey and to stay cool and focused... then we did "flaming walls", this time i was feeling very uncomfortable. those "damned" extra drum notes again... this time i told him to just "relax and play the songs the way they were supposed to be played"... then came the new song. the execution was very diffirent from the one we practiced just a few night ago... this time i was feeling really annoyed and frustrated... just can't remember if we did played another song after that... in my mind, that thought of failing to accomplish what i was expecting was too much for me to handle... i tried to keep things to myself but i had enough. plus there were other things going through my mind that night...

after that gig, i asked my bandmates if they were still interested with candyaudioline (although my real target that time was the drummer). in fairness to our drummer, personal issues were obviously getting the better of him. but the fact that (for me) during the past couple of months, he was beginning to become a drummer that would just do as he pleases with his parts not considering that fact that it was not doing the songs any justice... since i was the one who wrote those songs, i therefore have the final say as to how should a particular element of the song be executed... he apologised and promised me that we would clean up the next time around but i still was not convinced...

i guess we (except our singer who had to go home early) all went our separate ways feeling really bad about certain things...

going home i felt really bad about what had just transpired between me and my bandmates... i wasn't aware that the worse was yet to come...

the next day, our singer and i talked over the phone about what happened between me and the three other members the night before... she gave her thoughts and insights. she made me realise that i could've been harsh on them that time...

i got to talk to my bassist the next day and to my lead guitarist the following day. i explained to them as to what i meant when i directed the "do you still want to continue..." line at them... actually, i was trying to make them help me talk some sense to our drummer but they said that "nahihiya sila"... i accepted their reason and apologised to them... i also talked to them about a bigger problem that i was facing due to my own doing which might result in the loss of a new member...

i still haven't talked to our drummer. i even ignored a text message from him two days ago. but we did texted each other yesterday. hopefully he will live up to his promise...

writing this post made me realise what a selfish jerk i've become... my focus was elsewhere making me forget that they are not only my bandmates but my friends...

... hope we could get together one of these days bago man lang mag buzz night sa saturday...

sorry talaga guys... tao lang ako...


to kel: please lang... keep your promise... mag focus ka nalang muna sa session mo sa saturday...

to arjay: di ako na-bad trip dahil di ka pwede sa practice ng pillow nung sunday, naasar lang ako dahil at the last minute mo lang cnabi na d ka pwede... i've decided to get another bassist na for pillow. if interested ka, pwede mag keyboards... by the way. sa feb 25 wala si paolo. ikaw nirecommend ko na mag session as bassist sa moonstar. nag okey na si mayshelle kagabi...

to dennis: malamang may pera ka na at puro sauna este solo flight ka ngayon...

to mavi: sori talaga...