Worse Gig... Missing The Good Ones Aready...

Hello Peeps...

Just got home and i just can't help lamenting at the gig we play last night at Mayrics... i guess it would go down in Candy-history as one of the truly worse one ever...

My amp sucked, kel was really annoying me with his "timings" and "far-out-extra-unnecessary-drum-notes", maggot was playing bass as if she she hadn't been playing for this band for quite a long time now and cuckooh keep bugging me with really irritating gestures and quirries... it really ruined my whole perception of this band slowly gelling together once more...

we've been having regular practice sessions for quite sometime now and i was expecting us to be really "sharp" last night but it seemed that was all for nothing i suppose...


chatting with dennis, we've come to put the blame heavily on kel... he is suppose to be the second senior member of the band next to me yet he's not acting his role in the band... he always (in my opinion) tries to show off... always trying to pull-off those paterns that don't really do justice to the songs... not really being bent on acting like any of my bandmates have no right to put something of their own to my songs, but i guess there's always a standard to it. and what kel was doing last night and even in most of the gigs that we do seems to do more harm to the songs... what's the point in showing-off when all it does is make the songs and the band looking like "a bunch high school kids rehearsing for the first time"... i'm also blaming maggot for the fuck up for if she had only arrived at my suggested call time, she wouldn't have felt "harrassed" and could've been more settled down and relaxed playing the bass... cuckooh on the otherhand had her mind somewhere else... actually i told her that it was okey if she could not be with us last night but she insisted that she wanted to sing but when we were on stage, she kept pestering me about which song is which, and how was the song was to be sung etc etc... it made me feel really awkward to a point that i too lost my concentration making me look like someone trying to keep his cool while obviously losing it... plus that stupid amp... or maybe it was the battery of my RATT running out... but...

looking back, if only kel kept each song in proper time and tempo which i am very sure he could possibly do given his God-given talents as a drummer, i guess it could've been less obvious that we were fucking up...


gigs like these make me miss the days when this band was really "OK"... i miss the feeling of climbing up the stage very confident with the idea that each and every member of candyaudioline will be relying on one another to make things look and sound good...

i miss the times when i had a "not very-skillful" drummer but was willing to be the drummer that i wanted him to be and in the process improving his capabilities...

i miss the time when i had a bassist who, inspite of not really being into the tpye of music that this band was playing, always played her heart out not only on stage but off stage...

i miss the time when i had a guitarist who was truly proud of being a member of this band to a point that he was the one making the band sound and the the same time look so good...

i miss the time when i had a singer who was very shy and very conscious at the way she is inspite of her being pretty and all but once on stage, she was willing to take charge and happily embraces the idea that she is the voice and the face of candyaudioline...

as for me, i miss the time when i was still a very good song writer, i also miss the time when i wasn't afraid to kick a member out of the band anytime i wanted... i also miss the time when i don't have to worry a thing about this band...

so what is happening to Candyaudioline? should i give up? are we losing steam? is this a sign to just fade away into forgottenville? I HOPE NO!!!