i always have this weird feeling that something not to my liking will happen to me any moment. it bothers me a lot because it has yet to happen although there are times when things do come up to me in a way that i see them as bad, it would always turn out in the end as sort or a blessing in disguise... or maybe a form of consolation. oh well, life goes on anyway so they say but that means my paranoia goes on with it as well. which isn't really a good thing for me based on the fact that because of this, my ways are a bit affected to a point wherein i can't really be myself most of the time... i've tried ignoring such thoughts but the more i ignore them the more they manifest in ways that really scares the hell out of me... for istance, i'm the type of person who enjoys loads of good times with friends and loved ones. the presence of people around me somewhat distracts me and takes away these horrible ideas and fears off my mind. but when i'm all by myself, these fears of mine creep up to me like a freezing chill on a hot summer day. when that happens i become stiff in everything. resulting in nothingness which turns out to be a terrible waste of precious oportunities and time. i become cynical to a point of not wanting to confront a certain situation or task at hand. this leads me to think and think and think not realizing that there are far more better things to do that can be productive and at the same time serve as therapy for me...
so there you go... this is my humble explanation for the unfulfilled promises that i had made to some of you.
hehehe...
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