Okay, sorry! My apologies to Lara and the real first candyaudioline bassist.

Thank you, Allan, for that history lesson. Even I learned something from it. Now we all know that the band is really a front for you to meet girls. Shucks.

You know, it’s funny because I actually had the same idea (not the one about meeting girls). I was thinking of putting my first experience with candy on this blog. Here goes:

Ayn and I have this mutual friend, Mia. I had already been introduced to Ayn before at Big Sky Mind but I didn’t get to talk to her much after that. At Big Sky, I was drunk and I asked her if I could have some of her beer—I promptly took a swig… she just had this amused look on her face. Afterwards, Mia told me that I had a death wish because Ayn NEVER likes anyone touching HER beer. I kept that in mind. Ayn is always so quiet around new people (at least, when she’s not drunk or feeling like tripping on other people hehehe), and I was a bit intimidated by her gothicity(!), so I left her alone whenever we got the chance to drink with Mia. One night, Mia invited both of us to drink with her at a nearby carinderia. Ayn was telling Mia that their vocalist just quit, and then she turned to me and asked, “Do you sing?” I was surprised, but I said yes. She invited me to her band’s practice that Sunday and said that they played indie music. My corresponding thought was, “Whatever THAT means…” and then I said, “Um… okay. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try. Sure, I’ll be there.” So we had a date. Incidentally, that was also the night Ayn dropped the bombshell of her being pregnant on us, but that’s another (very interesting) story…

So Ayn picked me up Sunday night and we headed on to Mang Sam’s. I remember dressing up to look my best (para good impression, hehe). I was very nervous, but I was pleasantly surprised by Ayn’s solicitous behavior towards me. She talked a lot about the band, I guess to prepare me for the weirdness. But nothing prepared me for the sight that first greeted me as I stepped out of Ayn’s car.

There were three men who approached the car, none of whom looked like the type of bandmates I imagined Ayn had. I had always thought Ayn’s bandmates would be young, cool, cute, college boys… the ones who approached were obviously older; one looked like a weird version of Marvin Agustin, one had long hair and looked like, um, someone you would avoid when walking down the street, and the last looked like the Kingpin, if he were Filipino and couldn’t afford spiffy suits. I could feel myself starting to rehearse a “Sorry-but-I-don’t-think-I-can-do-it” speech in mind as Ayn introduced me to Gilbert, Roel and Allan. I was scared out of my wits.

Ayn told me that Gilbert was a member, with Allan, of Soft Pillow Kisses, a band whose songs were being played sometimes on NU 107. I hadn’t heard of them. Inside, I was introduced to Ralph and Charmaine… they looked more like band people, but still not the type I’d associate with Ayn. Allan gave me his discman to listen to the songs. I found them catchy, but the accent weirded me out. Still, I thought they were pretty original, and I wanted to see if I could do it. He then proceeded to teach me ELEVEN (11) songs. God. I was so afraid of him that I pushed myself to learn them all. I think he was so excited that we were going at such a fast pace. He struck me then as very businesslike.

By the end of the night, I had a better idea of what candyaudioline was, but I was starting to have serious doubts as to whether I could stay up that late and handle the workload. I asked Allan if this was going to be an everyday thing… he and Ayn said, no, it wasn’t going to be hectic, at all. They seemed to think I was satisfactory, so they kept me. They asked me if I was ready to go in a few days because they had a gig lined up… I quickly declined and asked for another practice before I could perform. They agreed and said I could sing the gig after the next, which was the EP launch of Skies of Ember at Club Sex.

I went home that night feeling really tired. I didn’t think I was going to like being in a band, but I wasn’t completely sure of that, either. Chris urged me all week to give it a try. I arrived at our second practice feeling reluctant and apprehensive. Allan kept correcting me the whole night. Normally, I wouldn’t have minded, but I was thinking that if he had so many problems with the way I sang, why didn’t he just drop me. I was starting to get frustrated and embarrassed. I was especially peeved at him saying that I had a “p and f” problem (interchanging the sounds when I pronounce certain words). I kept telling him it was because of the braces I had then, that I was still getting used to them. We even had a debate about the way I pronounced the word “common”, which I thought I pronounced very well. I think he wanted me to say kah-min, which to me, sounded like an exaggerated American accent. Haha… it’s funny to think of it now. He wasn’t being mean, but his comments didn’t help my insecurity at that point. Suddenly, I broke down crying in the middle of a song while he was teaching me one-on-one. He was flummoxed… he panicked and asked me what was wrong. He kept apologizing. I told him it wasn’t his fault. I was just feeling vulnerable and under pressure. I even told him about my carnap experience from the month before. I told him everything in my life was just piling up at that moment. He decided to give me a break then and apologized for making me miserable with his perfectionism.

We went outside to join the others. He told them I had cried! At first, I was embarrassed, but he started laughing about it and teasing me… and he also assured me that I shouldn’t feel pressured by him because he only thought I could very well take all that work. At that moment, I realized he wasn’t really out to get me or anything and that this was all supposed to be fun. I relaxed after that and actually had fun hanging out with them.

Now, I’m so grateful that I didn’t chicken out when Ayn asked me to be candy’s vocalist. I’m so happy that I didn’t let Allan’s anal retentive nature (oh yes, maybe this says something about his sexuality, too, hehe… joke lang, Allan! Peace!) scare me away. I’m so relieved that I didn’t judge the books by their covers (because, I’m not a judge)… HAHAHA! Suffice it to say, I love my band. The people are great and the experiences are such a laugh. Really. Para kaming comedy film.

I just got a message that we’re not going to practice tonight. Aww, shucks. No “It’ll Never Last” cover for us. No hanging out, either. Boo.