Go figure about the title. It’s not connected to the main topic I wish to discuss in this entry. It’s connected to a personal problem I’m currently having that I mentioned to Allan and Charles and John Paul last night and they’ve been trying to figure it out. Let this serve as a clue and an assurance that, despite it being “an exercise in futility”, I have found some comfort in those words above and that I have accepted the circumstances surrounding my problem. You can all rest easy, now :)
So we played last night at Millennia. There were only three bands that night: us, soft pillow kisses and superminty. Only a few friends passed by; Ralph commented that it was “An Empty House Part 2”, but we don’t really mind when that happens. It’s actually more fun sometimes when it’s just us :)
I fooled around with Allan’s guitar during the soundcheck and that gave him the idea of letting me play it for a few songs. I was excited but iffy about it. I didn’t know how to use an electric guitar nor the gadget. He let me play “Don’t Go Away”, “Flaming Walls” and “An Empty You”. I kept flubbing the chords because I was too excited haha and I couldn’t time pressing my foot on the pedal—I think I almost broke Allan’s effects hehehe. Anyway, despite the mishaps, it was extremely fun to play the guitar on stage. Roel told me afterwards that everyone was amused at that impromptu performance. The guys might even teach me to play the electric guitar and maybe I can sub for Allan when he can’t make it to gigs.
I also sang for Pillow because Louie couldn’t make it that night. We played well. Superminty did, too.
We were all raring to repeat the Klub 102 experience so we went there at around 1 am to drink. We had a few friends tagging along. It was really fun.
Indie Jeff and I had a talk for the first time. He sees through my words. I think everyone does, but he was the first one to tell me so. He said that the way I’m so honest about everything I feel in this blog shows my insecurities. He encouraged me not to feel so vulnerable to what people say or think. Sabi niya, wag daw akong mahiya sa ibang tao sa scene, kasi “scene NATIN ‘to!” He said, “Sa genre natin, tulungan tayo.” I clarified that I was never envious of how other bands in the scene are able to draw crowds more than candy can, though; I’m actually really happy that they can because their appeal helps keep the genre alive. I don’t begrudge them that… but I did admit that I am insecure, although I had always been like that even before being part of the indie scene. Actually, I understand what he was trying to say: hang-ups are never really necessary and we don’t have to show everything. Isn’t indie also being brief and understated sometimes? He was just concerned that I was so skittish about things at Buzz Night; he assured me that I don’t have to worry too much. I appreciated his encouragement. I thanked him and even hugged him about 5 times, though part of that was probably because of the alcohol in my brain hehehe.
I told Allan about my talk with Jefkid and he said this whole genre and the people in it were also created because of their insecurities, so I shouldn’t be too worried. That made sense, too. It reminded me of my first response to albertaspaghetti’s first query on indie. And I also remember what Allan said that defending the genre also contributes to its longevity.
So there’s always that question again: how are you supposed to manifest INDIE? I think it’s more personal. What does the music mean for you? All of us in the scene love the same music. We should all enjoy it as much as we can and in any and every way we like. Personally, being insecure is a large part of my personality, and though it’s not a very attractive trait, it still manifests in the things I say, do or, in this case, write. But I’ll try not to be too anal anymore. Thanks, jeff :)
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